A Violently Executed Blog |
|
|
Any law which violates the inalienable rights of man is essentially unjust and tyrannical; it is not a law at all. - Maximilien Robespierre A Violently Executed Feed BUY SOME STUFF, MAKE ME HAPPY Contact me. Links and stuff Handshake Bloggers Damn Good Music
|
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Amusing online quiz: Dante's Inferno. I have been consigned to: Second Level of Hell You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:29:00 PM   Some news about my favorite character from the Iraq war: Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf has been trying to surrender to US forces in Baghdad, but since he's not in the "55 Most Wanted" list, they're refusing to arrest him. I think we ought to give this guy a game show, or at least put him on Hollywood Squares. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:48:00 AM Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Well, it looks like Mr. William Garcia is the winner of the "What should Adam do with that crappy free camera" contest. I'll do some more things like this in the future. Will, I'm trying to decide what your prize shall be. Fear not, it'll be unique and interesting. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:05:00 AM Monday, April 28, 2003
Terry Gilliam is beginning work on a new movie - Brothers Grimm. Looks like it should be interesting - of course, Terry Gilliam could do a movie about mud and make it interesting. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:41:00 AM Haven't got any of these lately at home, but something that pisses me off mightily is when I get the following emails: (1) Urban legends - either the "Look out for the Mad Rapist, who hides in the seat cushion of your car and slices your ass open to insert spider eggs" or the "Bill Clinton used Al-Queda to kill Republican Patriots for His Dark Lord Satan" bullshit. Snopes.com is free, people. Use it. (2) "Make a wish" crap, that's about 5000 lines of "Forwarded by" crap and another 30 lines of a bizarrely distorted piece of ASCII art that was once a picture of Tweety-Brid, but now looks like something made by a spastic fed lead paint chips for about 10 years. (3) Petitions. PBS is NOT about to get its government funding cut off, the Taliban didn't care what you thought about their treatment of women in Afghanistan, and your earnestly worded online pleas will not save the world, no matter how much you want them to. No one with the power to make a difference pays attention to those things. Sure, it makes you feel like you're doing something, but standing on your back porch and shaking your fist at the mute, uncaring universe does just as much good, and it doesn't get you on my shit list. (4) The "Get to know you quiz" - If you were really my friend, you'd know I won't answer the damn thing, and the best you can hope for is something nastily sarcastic. I try to be polite the first time someone sends me one. I try, I really do. I don't always succeed - I know 7 or 8 people that won't email me at all now because I hurt their feelings over some stupid email they sent me, but if people won't listen to polite requests to NOT send me things, I figure something more blunt is sometimes required. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:25:00 AM Friday, April 25, 2003
So far, only one entry in the contest for a free prize (no, it's not a half-used disposable camera). I'm not sure what it will be, most likely a kewl game or something from Steve Jackson Games. I'll drag this out until Monday, just to give the rest of you a chance at this. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:13:00 PM Whacknoodles of the day The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement Well, I certainly hope that these guys achieve limited success, as it means there'll be more resources for my descendants. I'm sorry, but I feel that there is a middle ground between "Use it all! God wants us to!" and "We need to let our species die out!". I'm more of the "get the tech level as high as possible as quickly as possible" school. Better technology (especially modern farming and water management) has already vastly improved the standard of living in nations like India and China, and expanding that will do more to protect the Earth than a few self-loathing wingnuts agreeing not to have kids (because face it - they're not going to succeed in their quest, because they're fighting the single most powerful drive we have [well, second, as the most powerful is the "sit on your ass and eat a whole damn can of Pringles while watching TV" drive]). Moving polluting industries into orbit, especially mining (just think of what we could get from a couple of asteroids placed into orbit around the moon....), is a good long-term goal. The VHEM is a variant on the "We should all live as hunter/gatherers" meme I've encountered before. As I've pointed out in conversations at parties (the times I seem to be at my "best" for this type of discussion [stated with the knowledge that this is a relative term....]), it's estimated that the Earth could support somewhere around 100,000,000 people in a H/G lifestyle. That means over 5,000,000,000 people would need to die, and be disposed of. While the process I mentioned yesterday would certainly help with that, there are HUGE logistical problems with coordinating all the processing. I'm not big on genocide, so I usually suggest the H/G whacknoodles start with themselves, and I'll be glad to spread the word to everyone else. So far, no one has actually followed through, but I have hopes. It could lead to a fractional improvement in the gene pool, after all. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:41:00 AM Thursday, April 24, 2003
More evidence that we're living in a science fiction world: Waste into oil. A company in Pennsylvania has developed a process that can turn any waste into water, minerals and light oil, chemically similar to a variety of oil used to heat homes. That is just too cool. You see, kids? Technology is our friend. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:10:00 PM Wednesday, April 23, 2003
This email was sent out to all employees today: "As a small morale booster - Free cameras are in the lunchroom!" Wow. My morale is boosted through the roof. My first thought was to take about 6 snapshots of my nutsack and leave the camera out for someone else to develop, but that's a little much even for me, especially if I haven't been drinking. Anyone got any suggestions? I'll give a cool prize to the best suggestion received by Friday, shipping at my expense. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:01:00 PM I'm not big on believing conspiracy theories. I think that there is almost always a simpler explanation that doesn't require leaps of faith or twisted logic, and I'm more inclined to believe the more plausible explanation. PETA is another kettle of fish entirely. This is their latest. They have asked the town of Hamburg, NY to change its name to Veggieburg. Before that were the letters of protest to the Palestinian Authority for purportedly using donkeys as bomb carriers. "No, Chairman Arafat, keep sending the human bombers out, we don't care about them." Asking Fishkill, NY to change its name to Fishsave. Demanding the Green Bay Packers change their name. I used to think that PETA just had a particularly inept PR team, that thought these kinds of stunts were helping spread their message. Now, I'm not so sure. I wonder if PETA isn't a front for the meat and fur industries. It almost makes sense - the rank and file of PETA is "Believers", peolple the honestly believe in animal rights. Some of the leadership are believers as well. In the leadership, probably not in the most prominent positions, is where you find the moles. The folks secretly in the pay of the meat industry, working to turn PETA from a real threat to the survival of their industry into a joke. It's almost plausible. Not that it would stop me from eating meat, though. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:29:00 AM Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Now THIS rocks my world. The guy that designed the Voyager plane that flew around the world nonstop has built "a twin turbojet aircraft with a 25-metre wing span, called White Knight. The eight-metre spacecraft, called SpaceShipOne (SS1), has a crew of three and is slung under the belly of White Knight, which carries it up to 15,000 metres. At that point, the SS1 separates and its rocket engine ignites, powering it into a steep climb at speeds of up to 3.5 times the speed of sound. SS1 will peak at an altitude of 100 kilometres. A long free fall back to Earth follows during which SS1's three astronauts will experience about 3.5 minutes of micro-gravity in a "shirt sleeves environment"." This considerably improves that odds that I'll be able to go into space before I die. These are truly wonderful times. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:18:00 PM New trailer for The Hulk. This drooling fanboy is looking forward to it. Looks like Marvel has finally broken the curse that plagued their film/tv projects for so long. X2 looks damn good, too. Of course, as a geek that came of age in the 1980's, being an X-Men fan is almost mandatory. We shall not speak of the movie that purports to be "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". That movie will most likely fade into obscurity, as it should. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:33:00 AM Monday, April 21, 2003
So I was checking the stats on the site counter, and I noticed that beyond the expected hits in the Central US time zone (most of which appear to be me checking the site counter - yes, I'm that desperate for validation), there's some hits from the Pacific and Europe. Just to satisfy my curiosity, those that are so inclined are invited to use the comment feature to let me know what country they're viewing this from. Of course, if you're not so inclined, I'll just go to my grave agonizing over this trivia. The choice is yours - satisfy my curiosity or leave me tortured by a lack of information. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:22:00 AM We were smart this Easter. The kids got in their baskets 1 chocolate bunny and two other pieces of candy. The rest of the basket was toys - bubble blowers, small games, bouncy balls, etc. This meant that the kids were through their candy relatively early, which meant they were not insanely active all day. They crashed early with no complaints, which meant The Wife and I could go to sleep early. The best part was The Boy and The Girl slept until after 6AM. WOO-HOO! Bizarro Adam am like sleep too. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:03:00 AM Sunday, April 20, 2003
Sleepy. Ate too much smoked turkey at lunch today. And pie. Chocolate pie. Bizarro Adam am like chocolate pie. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:42:00 PM He's fucking risen. Yippy skippy. Can someone show me where in the goddamn bible it says, "Drag an unbeliever to church today so he can experience the tedium and discomfort that is his due as a mortal?" Feh. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:58:00 AM Saturday, April 19, 2003
Ah. It works. Thanks to Gord for the help on that. Now here's hoping church isn't too tedious tomorrow. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:53:00 PM In addition to being a damn good poet and writer, my Canadian Buddy Gord is a red-hot jazz saxophonist, and a member one of Korea's up and coming bands. His blog is here. Check it out. Or I shall smite thee. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:12:00 PM Got a new link:Dabang. It's a Korean band that a net-buddy of mine from Canada is in. Trying to track down Gord's blog address, I'll post it as soon as I find it. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:30:00 PM Friday, April 18, 2003
Gotta love the capitalist system. These guys are selling Mohammed Saeed al Sahhaf talking action figures. IT MUST BE MINE! Thanx to Gary Nunn for the link. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:05:00 PM Thursday, April 17, 2003
And so we begin another holiday weekend. Easter, celebration of fertility and the renewal brought by Spring. I mean, of Jesus' death, harrowing and rebirth. Yeah, that's it. Means I have to attend church on Sunday. Feh. No one is forcing me to go, but The Wife likes to have a couple of holidays every year that involve everyone getting dressed up to go to church, and Easter's one of 'em. Since my earliest memory of a church service is of my father taking my older brother and me to Ebeneezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, GA (MLK's old pulpit), subsequent church experiences have been somewhat, shall we say, underwhelming. The Wife is a member of a Presbyterian Church here in town. The folks there are nice enough - I don't get any of those sneering vibes from them, and they've always been nothing but friendly to me - but let's face it, they're not what you call entertaining in the pulpit. I call 'em "God's frozen people", which is an exaggeration, to be sure (that term really belongs to the Episcopalians), but you'll understand why when you hear these uptight folks dragging through "Go Tell It On The Mountain" or some other gospel standard. Yeah, I said I don't much care about religion, but if I've got to (a) sit through a service (b) without being able to read, sleep or smoke, I expect to be entertained. What? Whatever. The one thing I demand out of this world is that it be entertaining. The day to day minutiae of life are tedious, so I don't think it's unreasonable that I expect a little entertainment from my fellow human beings. It's not like I play cruel pranks, or delight in the misfortune of others (except, hypothetically, were Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson to get rectal gonorrhea from an infected Brazilian Ladyboy - I'd laugh my goddamn ass off over that) - I can glean amusement and enjoyment from everything from crude slapstick to watching an artist immersed in his art. Anyhoo, I'm not looking forward to sitting through church on Sunday. And I am not whining. Piss off. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:39:00 PM Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Starship scales. It's got Star Trek, Star Wars, B5 and other ships to scale, and you can move them around and compare them to each other. It's kewl, if'n yer a geek like me. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:04:00 PM Tuesday, April 15, 2003
WHAT I WANT This is by no means an exhaustive list. Electromagnetic Pulse Gun - Something small and portable that would allow me to short out the electronics of those damn thumping bass systems in other cars. Remote control that works on people - All I'll use is the "mute" button. I promise. Whacknoodle detector - I want to be able to identify those wingnuts that seem normal at first, until they casually drop into conversation that they've been repeatedly anally-probed by Space Nazi Reptoids From the 12th Dimension. Also to help me avoid those rabid Republican shitheads that can't discuss politics without spraying me with flicks of fetid spittle as they shriek "Clinton! Clinton!" in a voice Like Unto The Scream Of A Jackal. One. Million. Dollars. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:55:00 PM OK, I'm jazzed. The Clumsy Lovers will be coming to town on July 19th to Threadgill's. Mark that date on your calendars. I'll be there admiring the Goodness of The Band. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:46:00 PM I'm still working to make a few changes to the site - I've added a counter, so I can feed my ego and see how many times you guys actually look at the site. I'm looking for something that will allow you to post comments. This will also feed my ego, because I know I can expect each and every one of you (except you, Mr. Garcia) to say something nice about me. 'cause otherwise I might go Medieval on your asses or something posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:41:00 PM Monday, April 14, 2003
Spent the weekend at Overload-A-Con. Lots of fun - it was the first year for this con, but the folks at Overload Interactive really went out of their way to be helpful and they're really nice folks, to boot. Looking forward to next year. Got a rant to make, though. Not about the Con staff, this is about one or two of the people that attended. OK, gamers. I've been in the Hobby for over 20 years. I'm also a happy and productive member of society, married with kids. Let me give you some hints on how to help people like and respect you. It's really easy, you'll kick yourself when you hear it. Hygiene matters. It's nice to think that you're taking a brave stand and rejecting the social straitjacket imposed upon you by a society that doesn't understand your hobby. It's addictive, really. Here's the scoop: You're not anything other than stinky Just 30 minutes in the morning can make a huge difference. A shower (use soap), followed by a little bit of deodorant and some clean clothes (and we mustn't forget the toothbrush and flossing, right?), will help the girls (or guys) be able to stand near you without gagging. The social niceties like Small Talk and Listening To Other People can follow, but the important thing is not smelling like something crawled up your ass and died. Right now, I can see some of you eying a large bottle of cologne, thinking that if a little smells nice, a lot should mask the smell. Don't try it. Smells are an addative process. BO + Cologne = A nasty smell. Stick with the shower idea. That is all. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:34:00 AM Thursday, April 10, 2003
Got this link for you. If you've grooved to the utter disconnect from reality shown by Iraq's Minister of Information during the war so far (and where is he now, I wonder?), this site will crack you up. Favorite quotes: "There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!" "God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis." "Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever this miserable Rumsfeld has been saying, he was talking about his own forces. Now even the American command is under siege." "On this occasion, I am not going to mention the number of the infidels who were killed and the number of destroyed vehicles. The operation continues" Heh. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:54:00 PM Here is a list of businesses that go above and beyond their legal responsibilitities for military reservists. I especially want to commend Sears for their work. (Thanks for passing the info along, Harvey!) Got this email from a friend: Assume you have all seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up... Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution. I suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves. So I did some checking, and at Snopes (a must-have for anyone that gets those damn urban legend emails), I found this. Well done, Sears. Damn glad we dropped that $400-odd dollars for a dishwasher there now. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:32:00 AM Tuesday, April 08, 2003
Installed a dishwasher last night. I was truly pleased this morning when we went downstairs and found it had (a) washed the dishes and (b) not exploded or flooded the kitchen. Now if our fridge and stove will hold out for another year or so... posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 12:14:00 PM Sunday, April 06, 2003
This morning, as we drove to church, my kids were in the back arguing about something inconsequential. It had quickly degenerated to the "Yes it is!" "No it isn't!" stage, so I decided to perform an experiment. I asked my children, "Let me ask you something - do you believe the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son, or simply from the Father?" The kids pondered this, then my son proclaimed, "From the father!" My daughter immediately replied, "From both!" Heh. My children, recreating the history of the Catholic/Orthodox Schism in miniature. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:32:00 PM Friday, April 04, 2003
Got a call from The Boy's principal today. Seems that at lunch, he and some other boys went into the bathroom and started playing with water. This wasn't spraying a little water around. He and these other boys turned on all the taps, stuffed toilet paper and paper towels into the toilet bowls, threw wet paper towels against the walls and ceiling and ultimately flooded the bathroom three inches deep. He's on in-school suspension, and he's had quite a few of his priveleges restricted at school for the next week. He and the other boys had to clean the bathroom, as well. Melissa and I will be discussing this matter with him when I get home, and there will be a significant loss of priveleges for him at home also. There is a special type of shame that parents experience when they get a call at work from a principal about their child's misbehavior. This voice in your head starts talking to you: What kind of a parent are you? How could you have let things get so out of control with your child that he could do something like this? YOU ARE THE WORST PARENT EVER. Gaaaaah. He gets this from Melissa's side of the family. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:26:00 PM Thursday, April 03, 2003
Doppelganger My wife, Melissa, has a doppelganger. Somewhere in the city of Austin right now there is another Melissa Lipscomb. About 4 years ago, we lived on the same block as her. We didn't know until she came to our house with a bunch of mail that came to her instead of my Melissa (we'll call her Melissa Prime). Since then, we've had a few instances of getting phone calls for her, occasionally mail destined for Melissa Sub One comes here to Melissa Prime. Today, though, it got weird. I left work early to deal with a leaking dishwasher - by the time I got home after Noon, the water was up off the floor, so it was a matter of just looking at the dishwasher and determining that, yes, the fucker was broke and we needed to just buy a new one instead of hoping it could be fixed. About 2:00, a plumbing truck pulls up in front of the house. Three guys jump out and run up to the door. ME: Hi! Can I help you guys? PLUMBER1: (Plumbers 2 and 3 never said a word during all of this - it was a little creepy, to tell the truth) Yeah, we're here to take care of the leak. ME: Huh? Oh, yeah, that. No problem, it's taken care of. All three look at me like I've just spoken in Urdu or something. ME: So who called you? Really, it wasn't a big deal at all. P1: Melissa lives here, right? ME: Yep, Melissa Lipscomb. P1: Is she here right now? ME: Nope. Did she call you? P1: No, my daughter did. ME: (Staring blankly) Your daughter? P1: Yeah, Rachel. ME: Ra-chel? (I sound it out, like I'm Tarzan learning to speak) Raaaa-chel..... P1: (He's backed up a little, like I'm about to whip out a knife and start carving on them) My daughter. Rachel Sanchez. ME: Who? P1: Who are you? ME: I live here. P1: Are you her brother? ME: (Thoroughly confused) No, I'm her husband. P1: Husband? ME: Yes, her hus- (comprehension hits) You've got the wrong Melissa. P1: Wrong? ME: Yes, see there's two Melissa Lipscombs, mine and the other one. P1: Huh? ME: There are two women in Austin named Melissa Lipscomb. You're at the wrong house. From there, it was just a matter of getting the point across. Weird thing is that both Melissas had plumbing problems on the same day. Freeeeeaky. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:46:00 PM An update from my friend - if not a happy ending, it's at least progress: This morning, I had a voicemail from the officer who I spoke with the day before, saying that they had caught the guy! In what can only be described as a Law & Order moment, a person out walking thier dog saw a minivan/SUV driving fast through a nearby neighborhood, and called 911 and reported the plates. A nearby patrol car took the call and stopped the vehicle, inside 3 teen boys and a loaded .22 rifle (/slightly/ illegal in and of itself) They impounded the vehicle and hauled them down to the station, and one of them admitted to driving around, looking for windows and signs to shoot up (this is a residental neighborhood in Seattle, NOT rural farmland/suburbia). The others admitted as well, including killing the cat, and are, needless to say, in some serious hot water. The youngest is still a minor, and his parents have already contacted me and have offered to pay for -all- the damages (including whatever costs are associated with cremating Kira *and* the adoption/vet fees on a new cat!) I've thanked them, and accepted their offer to make some amends; their kid will be flippin' burgers all summer to cover the cost, they assure me (if he avoids juvie). The charges against them for what amounts to vandalism are actually pretty minor, I'm told, compared to the weapons charge (loaded weapon in a vehicle, discharging a weapon within N yards of a school, some other stuff). Some measure of justice. Better than nothing, I suppose. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:36:00 PM Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Got an email from a member of a mailing list I subscribe to. He lives in the Northwest, and is opposed to the war. Last night, his house was shot at and his cat was strangled with a red, white and blue ribbon. I am sickened. I am a firm believer in rational discussion, and that there is room for people of good will to disagree on all manner of issues. If you disagree with someone, you use your goddamn words. You don't engage in cowardly, chickenshit attacks like that. I hope they find those bastards and nail them to a wall. Literally posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:42:00 PM Something whimsical. Requires shockwave. If those flight simulators make your head hurt, try the paper airplane simulator. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:14:00 PM |
