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Any law which violates the inalienable rights of man is essentially unjust and tyrannical; it is not a law at all. - Maximilien Robespierre A Violently Executed Feed BUY SOME STUFF, MAKE ME HAPPY Contact me. Links and stuff Handshake Bloggers Damn Good Music
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Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Teensy little rant A few things I've been kicking around over the course of the last 364 days. (1) If you do any of the following, you can't say dick about anyone else's hobbies & interests unless they're recreational cannibals:
(b) Go to major sporting events dressed up and/or painted to signify your support for one team or another. (c) Buy, rent, view or make furry, midget or furry midget porn. (d) Dress up like a clown. (e) Use Newsmax, Free Republic, Rush Limbaugh or Fox News as your primary news source. (2) Pissing off fangirls falls into the same category as tugging on Superman's cape, spitting into the wind, pulling the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger and messing around with Jim. (3) The "terrible twos" don't even start until 3 or so, and they last a bit longer than one year. (4) I can, on occasion, get suckered by appeals to patriotism. It doesn't make me a fool as long as I learn from my mistake. Which I did. (5) Melissa is much more patient than I deserve sometimes. (6) There's something utterly fascinating and magical about your child reading for the first time. (7) A just-fed and contented baby in your arms is a wonderful soporific. (8) George Lucas should give up on making movies. More observations will follow later. Or maybe not. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:11:00 AM   | Bwah! Tim Hall of Where Worlds Collide posted a link to a scholarly analysis of the source material for The Lord Of The Rings. Best quote: Indeed, many scholars have undertaken a "Quest for the Historical Sauron" and are searching the records with growing passion and urgency for any lore connected with the making of the One Ring. "It's all legendary, of course," says Dr. S. Aruman, "Especially the absurd tale of Frodo the Nine-Fingered. After all, the idea of anyone deliberately giving up Power is simply impossible and would call into question the most precious thesis of postmodern ideology: that everything is a power struggle on the basis of race, class and gender. Still... I... should... very much like to have a look at it. Just for scholarly purposes, of course." posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:22:00 AM | Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Random links and commentary Just a few bits of oddness for your perusal/amusement. Bile, spleen and rage will be coming along later, I'm sure. Citizens' Association to Blow Up the Moon - It causes lunacy, lycanthropy and tides. What better reasons are needed to destroy a nearby orbiting object 1/6 the mass of the Earth, especially when the fragments from that destruction would surely doom all life on Earth? Still, they seem like fun-loving guys, so I'm going to send them some money. You know the elf in "Return of the King" that tells Arwen she needs to get her ass in gear? These guys are his biggest fans. EVAH. Among other pieces of information, this piece shows that Democrats tip pizza delivery drivers better than Republicans. Compassionate Conservatives, indeed. The UK can be yours, for the low, low price of 8.8 trillion dollars. I'm saving my pennies. Piranha attacks growing more frequent. Let's hear it for progress! La llama es a quadruped Some dude in Australia is the rightful king of England. This throws my plans for killing eveyone between me and the crown into something of a mess, as I had calculated that I was only 12,567,345 people away. Gonna have to redo the math. Granted, if I can scrape together that 8.8 trillion, I won't need to kill all of 'em, I can just evict the sorry bastards. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:40:00 AM | Monday, December 29, 2003
The Strom Thurmond Affair I've always had a hate on for Thurmond - he was a vile, posturing demagogue, a pustulent boil on the ass of the South (no offense to the fine people of South Carolina). He deserved to have died many, many years before he did, and I wouldn't have wept a whole lot if some enterprising soul had helped him along the way. I've been trying to find something to say about his daughter, Essie Mae Washington Williams, but couldn't put the words together. Lo and behold, I found someone who said a lot of the things I wanted to say. Groove, folks, to David Ehrenstein's take on the matter. If you haven't been to the Fablog before, read it all. Man got some good shit to say. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:41:00 PM | Sunday, December 28, 2003
With the greatest possible respect, Your Holiness, you can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. According to the senile dotard that squats upon the Throne of Saint Peter in a manner not unlike that of Gollum, Gay marriage is enemy number one. Yep, still not a damn thing has been done to punish the Cardinals and Archbishops that aided and abetted the molestation of hundreds, if not thousands, of children by pedophilic priests, but a secular movement aimed at providing some measure of equality before the law for gays and lesbians is the biggest threat the Church faces. How deluded would we need to be to consider that an organization with that kind of record (and we'll skip, for the moment, the very credible evidence of RCC involvement in the smuggling of Nazi fugitives out of post-war Germany, as we will also ignore such charming incidents in the past as the Seige of Magdeburg, the Inquisition, the Crusades and the "Albigensian Crusade") as having a single strain of moral credibility? This is the organization that tacitly supported Latin American thugocracies, that daily rails against the use of birth control, that still insists that women are second-class citizens. From the lips of the addled animatron himself: "In our times, a misunderstood sense of rights has sometimes disturbed the nature of the family institution and conjugal bond itself," he said. "It is necessary that at every level, the efforts of those who believe in the importance of the family based on matrimony unite." Sorry, Charlie. I belive in the importance of the family, and for me, matrimony's been a damn good thing. I want all of my friends to have the opportunity to enjoy it - gay, straight, bi, poly, mono - everyone. So, no. I'll be firing off letters to my elected officials (the ones you don't control, which you seem to have forgotten, as the United States bows to no religious leader in matters of law) urging them to use common sense and ride the rising tide of social justice for all. I could always start the culling somewhere near Rome, you know. I'm just sayin'. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:51:00 PM | Sad news from Mars 3rd day passes with no news from Beagle probe. Looks like the latest attempt to explore the surface of Mars is kaput. Always a bummer for me, being such a space geek. Failures like this are so often used as a justification for slashing space budgets, and I can't help but think that now is the time we need more than ever to be in the Great Up and Out. And not just because I want to go to an orbital Hilton. Sorry for no entry yesterday - Melissa was writing, so I was wrangling the kids. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:50:00 AM | Friday, December 26, 2003
Putting a face with the name Leonard, the writer of the most excellent Ludic Log was passing through Austin tonight on his way back to Chicago, and Hayden invited me to dinner with them. I met the two of them at Trudy's North, and we had a little beer, some tex-mex and talked comics and comic movies for a couple of hours. Leonard is, like me, a big fan of Jack Kirby's most fucked up villain EVAH, MODOK. He's almost talked me into starting a MODOK for President in '04 website. I mean, come on! Doesn't he look like presidential material? 
Given a choice, I'd take something Designed Only for Killing over the Chimp-in-Thief any damn day. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:05:00 PM | Omigod omigod omigawwwwd! I'm a big fan of the Pulps. I love The Shadow, Doc Savage and anything that even looks a little like them. I love retro-future stylings. "The Rocketeer" remains one of my favorite films and comics. Melissa saw this trailer when she went to see "The Return of the King" and I did a little googling today, and found The Sky Captain Homepage. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Zeppelins. Ornithopters. Giant robots. Gleaming art deco cities. Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie! Did I mention the ZEPPELINS? w00t! Don't know if I can wait until summer. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:58:00 AM | Friday 5 The suggestion for today was: Five things about Christmas No restrictions, just a list of 5 things. So here goes: (1) I hate Christmas lights. I hate neighborhood displays. I hate people that obsess over said displays. It's ugly, it wastes electricity and, worst of all, it's tacky. Tacky, tacky, tacky. If you're reading this and you put up an outdoor display, please send all complaints to Governor Assbag. (2) I really like giving my kids gifts. I seem to be a pretty good judge of the gifts that they'll really get excited over getting, and I really love watching them tear into their gifts. (3) Gifts that require assembly are best assembled prior to any alcoholic consumption. (4) I like my birthday more than Christmas, because it's MY BIRTHDAY. Duh. (5) There's a happy medium between "Way too fucking much Christmas" and "Way too fucking little Christmas", and we're getting closer to it every year. The rest of the Friday Fivers are listed at left. Happy Boxing Day to our UK and Canadian friends. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:07:00 AM | Thursday, December 25, 2003
Merry Christmas, Y'all Franny woke up around 5 and shot downstairs, so Christmas morning happened in stages. The kids all seem pleased with their gifts and are currently degenerating into that exhausted, overstimulated jangle of raw nerves common on Christmas morning. One piece of administrative trivia: To ensure we're all on the same page, comments are at THE BOTTOM of the entry they're for. That means that if the title of an entry is under the comment button, you're clicking in the wrong place. Please, use common sense. Now I'm off to get my first drink of the day. It's cocktail hour somewhere in the world, dammit. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:08:00 AM | Wednesday, December 24, 2003
And I'm off in a bit Gonna go home and wrangle kids until it's time to meet Melissa at church to see Alec's stage debut. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:06:00 PM | Because I'm a map geek Two links to really cool maps of imaginary places: (1) Maps of Barsoom. The site owner overlaid what ERB tells us about the geography of Barsoom onto maps of the Martian surface as it exists today. (2) The Marvel Atlas Project. Ever wonder where Latveria is located? Want to plan a trip to Wakanda? It's all there. More cool maps as I find them! posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 12:18:00 PM | NEWS FLASH!!!!! New York admits that Lenny Bruce wasn't so bad. Yep, that's right - he's been given a pardon. Mighty White of youse guys, considering the man's been dead over THIRTY-SIX GODDAMN YEARS! Granted, this isn't as bad as Mississippi passing the 13th Amendment back in the 1990's, but we expect Mississippi to demonstrate flat-out ignorance, bigotry and idiocy *coughcough*Trent Lott*coughcough*. We kind of look to New York to be a little ahead of the fuckin' game. The final paragraph explains why I hate conservatives so much: But while American liberals looked upon him as the ultimate defender of free speech, conservatives saw him as a foul-mouthed subversive who deserved to be locked up. Folks, we ought to give our foul-mouthed subversives medals. We need more of them. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:11:00 AM | Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Fun from Adrienne
Your outlook on life is very bright. - Heh. You hear that folks? I'm a regular fuckin' ray of sunshine! posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:36:00 PM | Foot: Not as bad as we feared The word from the doctor: Melissa's foot is sprained, but not broken. She's agreed to teach me the Badass Ninja Skillz that allowed her to do that amazing "protect the baby" duck and roll during her fall. Surprisingly, she's agreed, and says it should only take 2-3 shoves down the stairs for me to learn. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:04:00 PM | Because I like cheese, me Amanda asked that everyone post something about grilled cheese sandwiches. I likes me a good grilled cheese sammich. They're best on white bread with a slab of velveeta in the middle, cooked in butter on a cast-iron skillet. You can stick a piece of bacon or two in there if you're feeling adventurous, but they're good unadulterated, served beside a big bowl of chicken noodle soup. I recommend a good domestic beer (Shiner Bock being my favorite, but there's nothing wrong with a nice pilsner or lager, to be sure), some also insist that a root beer or Co-Cola ain't bed, either. Don't mix wine and grilled cheese sammiches, though. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:41:00 AM | 2 days to go And we're about as ready as we're gonna get. The kids are making pretty good choices, although like any siblings, long periods of close proximity mean lots of little tiffs. Melissa is waiting to hear from the radiologist about her foot - the on-the-spot judgement yesterday was possible hairline fracture. She's kind of bummed about it, though - she had a lot of baking she wanted to do, and it's that much harder to do on an injured foot. I've been looking at the counter to the left, and I'm starting to wonder if I can break 10,000 hits before New Year's. Just under 1600 hits in 8 days - that's about 200 hits/day. Probably not, but I bet it'll happen in the first couple of weeks in January. Thanks to all who have visited, providing me with a frequently needed source of external validation. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:47:00 AM | Monday, December 22, 2003
Fun, fun, FUN! Melissa fell down the stairs Saturday evening - in a feat of ninja-like skill, she landed in such a way that Alec was completely unhurt, and we thought she might have twisted her ankle. She just called me from the doctor's office, and she's en route to get some x-rays, as it looks like she might have a fracture. Ouch. Merry Christmas! I took today off from work to help wrangle kids, but I'll have to go back tomorrow. The big question is whether I can remove and replace the stripped bolt on the brake pad on the car, or whether I'll have to get Melissa to drive me to & from work tomorrow. Stoopid car. I wish I had one of those damn rocket belts they were promising us back in the 20th Century. Did find one piece of good news, though: The owner of an Iowa seed company gave his employees big Christmas bonuses. $1000 for every year each employee worked there. Nice enough for the folks that had been there 4-5 years, but some of his employees had been there 15 to 20 years. Harry Stine, the owner of the company: "All of these people help me every day. So it's not a be-nice thing. It's just what should be done." That's damn good of him, and my hat's off to him. Way to reward your employees! posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:16:00 PM | Sunday, December 21, 2003
I'm too old for this stay out late shit Saw the 11:20 showing of "Return of the King" last night, and it was definitely a fitting wrap up to the trilogy. Overall excellent, my main complaints were over things that had to be cut in the interest of time or for other, non-artistic, reasons. Denethor's madness was well done - very creepy. The attack of the Haradrim was excellent - in fact, all of the battle was great. Very, very tired, though. I just wish they could've done "The Scouring of the Shire", too. Still gotta deal with the brakes on the Ford today. Melissa's getting a nap, so I'll likely have to drag the kids along with me. Feh. Not fun. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:03:00 PM | Saturday, December 20, 2003
Saturday Surprisingly, not one of my favorite days of the week. I mean, it's in the top 5, but only just. Gift shopping for the kids is in progress, and I'm trying to muster the energy to do some chores. Gotta replace the brake pads on the Taurus tomorrow. Melissa saw RotK with Will and Merideth last night, I get to go tonight. Think I'll try to book tickets for the Alamo Drafthouse. Mmmmm. Beer 'n Jalapeno poppers. Mmmmmmmm. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:59:00 PM | Friday, December 19, 2003
For fans of the Superfriends Found a site I'd forgotten about today - Seanbaby.com. It's not updated any more, but there's still plenty of hilarious shit to dig through. My favorite? The Superfriends Page. Writeups of every hero and villain, with a bonus Superfriends Drinking Game! posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:59:00 PM | Dubya, the Heretic Amusing little piece from The Nation, describing 3 of the heretical errors of the Commander-in-Thief. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:39:00 PM | ONE OF US! ONE OF US! Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, I'd like to welcome Ray to the Friday 5. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:06:00 PM | Dick, it's got a good beat. I can dance to it. Dig it: Idiot Son of an Asshole. Requires sound, keep the volume low if at work. Might not be SFW. God, I love America. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:20:00 AM | Friday 5 Live, from India! Or, at the very least, from the witty and charming Ritu. While we wait for word of Gord's arrival in India for the first International Friday Five Conference and Kaffeeklatsch, we'll ponder Ritu's question: Everybody lives through certain moments in their lives when things go 'click' and ideas take a living, breathing shape. Concepts and thoughts which were only words until that moment now become an intrinsic part of one's internal landscape, altering one's perspective forever. Sometimes these lessons of life are taught by other people and that is the subject of this week's question: Which are the five most important life lessons learnt by you and by whom were you taught the same? Hurm. Tough one. I'm not so good at the "learning lessons" bit. (1) F=MA. I don't know the name of the woman that taught me this one. I was in 5th grade and on my way to school, accompanied by my friend Abby. We walked up to an intersection, and I glanced both ways and then darted into the street (not at a crosswalk - from behind a big tree. It seemed a good idea at the time). Lo and behold (if you didn't see this one coming, it's a miracle you haven't already learned this lesson), I found myself face to face with a big-ass Buick Riviera. The driver slammed on the brakes, and I got what was, comparatively, a small tap. It was still enough to send me skidding along the pavement, resulting in a broken jaw, a gash in my chin, a hole through my lower lip and permanent hearing damage in my left ear. I spent 6 weeks with my head bandaged up like the Mummy (the doctors were concerned that wiring my jaw would adversely affect bone growth, or maybe they just thought I looked funny) and eating food that had been run through a blender (burgers? good. pizza? not so good. don't ask about peas, roast chicken or cabbage). (2) Bullies Don't Respect You For Standing Up To Them - They Respect You When You Beat Their Sorry Asses. Several sources on this one. As I loathe the thought of giving some of my grade school tormentors free publicity, I'll call the bully Dickwad McButtmunch. Dickwad was one of several people that made 4th-6th grades hellish for me. He and his friends figured out early that I was smarter than them, a lousy fighter and not likely to fight back. I'd seen plenty of ABC After-School Specials, and I knew that bullies would, once you stood up to one, magically respect you and leave you alone. If you were lucky, you might share an adventure with them and become true friends. What a deluded tool I was. Dickwad took great delight in kicking my scrawny ass every chance he got. Attempts to tell a teacher were met with assurances from Dickwad's friends that I was making it up, or that they were just playing aorund and didn't realize they'd hurt me. I was reading a lot by this point, and a little Heinlein, some Burroughs and a touch or Dumas convinced me that I needed to do a better job of fighting back. My father had wrestled in college and he tried to teach me some holds and pins, which might have worked except for the fact that I was a little twig-boy. The one time I tried to use a half-nelson on Dickwad, it looked like Bugs Bunny fighting The Crusher. Eventually, I figured out that it didn't matter if I won, just if I made victory difficult enough for Dickwad. I therefore started making myself get up every time I was knocked down. I'd wait until Dickwad turned his back to strut before his friends, then charge him. I'd throw dirt in his eyes, bite, scratch and pull hair. One day, a day that shines above all others, I did it. Dickwad had just punched me in the stomach, and I was curled up on the ground gasping for breath. As I lay there, I felt a rock under my side, so I picked it up in my hand. When Dickwad started to walk away, I crawled to my knees, then charged him, staying low. He turned and punched me in the head, and I went down right in front of him, so I swung up as hard as I could with my fist wrapped around that rock, and hit him in the crotch. For the first time, Dickwad was the one gasping for breath, curled up on the ground. His friends then proceeded to beat the crap out of me, but that was the last time. Word went around that I was crazy, and wasn't worth the hassle. They left me alone, and I was even able to stand up to him a couple of other times to forstall attacks on some of his other victims. Pacifism is for pussies, IMO. (3) The Man Isn't Always On Your Side. My parents taught me this one. I learned from their stories of the Civil Rights Movement that the rule of law is only as good as the people we trust to enforce it. Laws in and of themselves aren't good unless good men and women fight to make sure they're enforced properly. Keep an eye on the sorry bastards in office, and call 'em on their bullshit when they're wrong. The police should be respected, but also monitored closely. (4) Not Everyone Is Out To Get You. I've had quite a few trust issues in my life, and it's sometimes been hard for me to convince myself that it's OK to open up to people. While some might accuse me of being a little too open nowadays, I still have a deep reserve that I'm not always willing to open up. Melissa and the kids have helped a lot - as frustrated as I occasionally get with them, there's something moopy and magical about the raw, unadulterated love that comes from your kids. Melissa's continued love for me despite having known me for 15 years leaves me speechless sometimes. Sorry to get all sappy, but it's the truth. I wouldn't be as pleasant as I am were it not for them. (5) Never Bet You Can Beat A One Armed Man In Pool. In college, my friends and I would occasionally go to a club called "The Touchdown" in Birmingham, because their bartender wasn't always the most diligent checker of IDs. There was a jukebox full of Hank Williams Sr and Waylon Jennings music, a couple of scuffed up pool tables, and an assortment of hard-drinking rednecks and other characters. One night, I was sitting at a table with Mark Chapman, Trey Lackey and a couple of other people lost in the fog of too much cheap beer, and a one-armed man came by and asked if anyone thought they could beat him at a game of pool. Had I been sober, I'd have recognized this as a hustle and politely refused, but, being full of piss and vinegar (not to mention a couple of pitchers of draft Old Milwaukee), I knew that this would be the easiest $30 I ever earned. 4 minutes later, I staggered back to the table, not even having had a chance to shoot. I was $30 poorer and about the same amount wiser. If someone that looks like they'd lose big time offers to put money on a game, get ready to lose your shirt. One armed man, I salute you. PS, I hope Dr. Kimball doesn't find you. Just remember, folks. Knowing is half the battle. The other Fivers are listed on the left side. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:35:00 AM | Thursday, December 18, 2003
I'm sorry, I must have missed the bulletin telling me that we were living in the fucking dark ages. Texas mom faces jail time, big fine for selling sex toys. Welcome to Texas, where we execute the innocent, frame immigrants for drug dealing and send moms to jail for trying to make a living. Your tax dollars at work.... Meanwhile, Governor Assbag is still not serving time for being such an assbag. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:25:00 PM | Winning Hearts and Minds everywhere they go Got a short Spittle-Flecked Rant for ya... Saw this link on Jon's livejournal. My favorite extremist nutjobs, PETA, are at it again. This time, they're making sure little kids suffer for their parents' fashion choices. 
Fuckin' sadistic nutjobs. You don't like meat? Fine. You think fur is reprehensible and vile? That's your prerogative. LEAVE THE KIDS OUT OF IT. Shit like this: Kids will see the bloody truth behind their moms’ pretentious pelts. Accompanied by graphic photographs of skinned carcasses and animals languishing on fur farms, children will read: "Lots of wonderful foxes, raccoons, and other animals are kept by mean farmers who squish them into cages so small that they can hardly move. They never get to play or swim or have fun. All they can do is cry-just so your greedy mommy can have that fur coat to show off in when she walks the streets." only serves to incline me towards buying a fur coat myself, in hopes that some dumbass will try to throw red paint on it, or mess with my kids. 'Cause lemme tell ya, some malnourished, unwashed assbag hopped up on self-righteousness and masturbatory fanatiacism comes near me about that shit, I'll beat 'em senseless, steal their wallet and chuck their body into traffic. And I'll laugh my ass off doing it. There's a rational way to bring about societal change. Terrorizing kids is not the way to do it. I tend to eschew rational change myself, but I'm not into the whole "effecting change" thing. I just get off on putting a righteous smackdown on fanatics, nutjobs and idiots. I consider it doing my part for the gene pool. Attempts by PETA loons to discuss this will result in mockery, verbal abuse and (if you try it f2f) the removal of your kidney, liver and lungs for sale on the black market in Mexico. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:18:00 PM | And then there's this one... Is this some kind of comment about my gas problem? I'd-a figured I'd get someone fun, like Kim Il Sung or maybe Boris Yeltsin. No, I get the damn dirty hippie: 
From Rob. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 4:05:00 PM | This number seems small Still, it's on the internet, so it must be true.
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com Stolen from Julie, who got it from Rob. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 4:02:00 PM | Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Still shaking Got this link from Julie. Rockdale teen struggled for acceptance before committing suicide. All Tesia Samara wanted was to be accepted as who she was. The morons in Rockdale, however, couldn't deal with the thought of a transgendered teen attending their school. She hung herself last month. I've always felt somewhat alienated, but I can't begin to imagine what this kid went through. I hope she's at peace, and I hope her family can reach some peaceful place. Her tormentors, though, I wish painful, agonizing deaths. If I hear much more like this, though, I'm going to start the culling early. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:20:00 AM | Shaking with Rage Police run amok in Miami, beat union members, senior citizens. It's Salon, so you'll have to watch an ad to see the article. Melissa's comments say it better than I can right now. I'm just disgusted. Is this what it's come to? Hope you're happy, Fuckwit Bush. I understand a little more why the Left in the 1960s hated and distrusted the police, and it sickens me that individuals that have taken an oath to protect and serve would participate in behavior like this. God dammit, we're better than that. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 12:45:00 AM | Tuesday, December 16, 2003
I've been pondering... Always a dangerous activity, either for me (like the time I pondered how far a match needed to be from a puddle of gasoline to ignite the fumes) or for others (really, that same time - Sorry, Paul! Your eyebrows grew back, anyway.), but while shooting the breeze with my friend Ray, I started thinking about the origins of anti-Semitism. Most folks blame it on Medeival Christian persecution of the Jews, which is where we get the lovely epithet "Christ Killer". Two things struck me: (1) Ray pointed out that the whole point of the New Testament is that Jesus died for our sins. Wasn't it kind of God's plan, then, that he get killed? So whatever hand the Jews had in that, we ought to be thanking them. Same goes for Judas, Caiaphas and all the rest of them. (2) The Jews didn't kill Jesus. The Romans did it. Using the logic of the anti-Semites, we shouldn't be crapping all over the Jews, but rather the Italians. I'm not advocating anti-Italian sentiments, just pointing out something that should have been obvious even to the most illiterate goat-fucking peasant living in a shit-filled hut in the boondocks of France in 1103 AD. Pilate ordered Christ's execution (in accordance with the Big Guy's plan, see #1). Centurions scourged him and nailed him to a cross (see the Nuremburg trials for a response to "we were following orders" defenses - sorry, Longinius!). The Jews were at worst guilty of wanting some other guy paroled (and we've all made mistakes like that, haven't we?). I'll address the "vile moneylenders" and "secret masters of the world" bullshit in a later post. From here on out, though, if you're a Christian and you blame the Jews, cut that shit out! If you can't understand that it was all part of God's plan, take your frustrations out on some guys from Jersey, like these fine gentlemen: 
I'm sure they'll understand why you're doing it. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 12:44:00 PM | "Some people have great ideas maybe once or twice in their life, and then they discover electricity or fire or outer space or something. I mean the kind of brilliant ideas that change the whole world. Some people never have them at all. I get them two or three times a week. " - The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish "No Exit - The Musical!" It could work! No, really. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:56:00 AM | Heh. This link goes to a short trailer for Mel Gibson's new movie. Sort of. Trust me - the new music and titles make it much more interesting. Stay through the end. It's worth it. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:47:00 AM | Monday, December 15, 2003
GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT HELL So, I had this idea - it might have made the cut, it might not, but I saw boffo numbers. Cursed reality has crapped all over my dream, though. Since the recent capture of half of my cast, I'm going to reluctantly scrap this idea and share it with all the world. OK, see, last summer, I was thinking: We can't find Osama and Saddam, right? They're hiding. What if they're hiding together? See, here was my idea: Osama and Saddam go undercover. In Riyadh. In a women's apartment building. Burqa Buddies!  
Yeah, sure, it's been done, but that's the nature of TV. I was thinking John Goodman as Saddam and David Schwimmer as Saddam and Osama respectively, and Fisher Stevens as Fa'ud, the wacky apartment superintendent. Every episode, our heroes could treat us to insane hijinks as they scramble to keep their real identities secret, make Weapons of Mass Destruction in their kitchen, and woo the other residents of the apartment complex. For Sweeps, we could do an episode where Hans Blix (played by Peter Boyle) leads a team of building inspectors and develops a crush on Osama (or, rather, "Fatima", his burqa-clad alter ego).   
Don't look at me like that. Sure, it's trying to make money off of madmen and terror, but so's Toby Keith. And I'm cuter than he is. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:08:00 AM | Sunday, December 14, 2003
Shocked, I'm just shocked  You're a True Punk. You know that punk isn't all about studded jackets and mohawks. If you're political, you're actually informed. Most of the stuff you love is from before the 80s, though you know bands like Fugazi kept the spirit going. You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize. brought to you by Quizilla Thanks, Adrienne. Thanks, Julie. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:03:00 PM | Stoopid Time Warner Got home around 1AM, and the broadband connection was down, and remained down until about 1PM today. So I wasn't able to post on-the-spot impressions of the TDS show as I'd planned. Short set, Hayden had a chest cold, but it rocked nonetheless. Among other things, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I knew all the words to the chorus of "Tulsa Night Life", and I got to hear Julie's new song ("Babydoll" - forgot it until just now [18:54 CST]). They didn't play "Peckinpah", although "Blood Meridian" made the set list. Morning came way too early, of course, but after church, we put up the Christmas tree (I let the kids do most of the ornamentizing, which resulted in a tree with no ornaments above about 4'). posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 5:27:00 PM | Saturday, December 13, 2003
Late-night good times Relax, Gina. This will not be another all-expenses-paid trip to TMI-land. I'm going to a Trouble Down South show. Starts at 10, so I'll likely be out late. Just wanted to get something blogged before I left. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:38:00 PM | Friday, December 12, 2003
Friday 5 From Laura: If you are anything like me, you'll go to lengths to avoid having to go see a doctor. I actually made an honest-to-god attempt to get to see mine today, but I was rejected out cold by the Secretary From Hell (never mind the fact I can't eat or drink anything). But that's not the point... My question for this week is short and sweet: What are your five most popular (or common, rather) home cures, Granny's Recipes or magic tricks even for curing or preventing any old disease? I'll gladly grant extra points for anyone whose tip kills my throat pain (preferably without killing me, but I'll consider other options as well)! Unlike Laura, I am a big fan of doctors. Doctors give you little pills that make pain go away. They give you shots that keep the flu from using you as a disease vector like that monkey in "Outbreak". OK, sometimes us guys have to put up with "Dr. Coldfingers", and women get the whole Pap Smear experience, but by and large, my interactions with doctors have been very positive. Did I mention the little "happy pills"? Still, I'll gladly share my favorite home remedies. (1) Chicken Soup - So what if I'm goyim to the core? It's comfort food, pure and simple. And, to quote millions of grandmothers, "What coud it hurt?" Plus, if your throat is sore, the warmth opens things up a little, and soothes as it goes down. I recommend Campbell's Chicken and Stars, as it eliminates the need for painful chewing. (2) Vicks VapoRub - Melissa hates it, but when you're congested, it's one of the best things going. Put some on your chest before bed, and you won't have any problems with congestion until the morning. You'll also sleep alone at my house, but it's a small price to pay, IMO. (3) Mustard Plasters - My dad made me one when I was a kid, and it burned a little, but it sure as shit cleared out my congestion. (4) Essence of Peppermint - Wonderful for upset stomachs. My mom used to give me a spoonful of sugar with a few drops in it after I'd finished puking my guts out from a migraine. Eased up a lot on the dry heaves. Good for the sinuses. And it makes your breath minty fresh, too! (5) Hot cider or tea - A nice relaxer and soother. Lemon tea (my favorite being Celestial Seasoning's "Lemon Zinger") is especially good for this. Again, it sooths sore throats, opens clogged sinuses and could probably do a lot towards furthering the cause of world peace, if more world leaders would treat themselves to a nice cuppa and a sit down every once in a while. Honorable mention: For hangovers, there's nothing better than a raw egg with worchestershire sauce, tabasco and pepper. Slam it down, keep it down, and then go take a boiling hot shower, and turn off the hot water halfway through. This combo should completely shock it all out of your system, or at least leave you not caring about the hangover any more. Alternatively, you can, to quote Justin Wilson, "Chase down dat dog what bit you and bite him back." The other Friday Fivers are, as every week, listed to the left. Get well, Laura, as I'm looking forward to meeting you in England this spring. And here's hoping the secretary at your Doctor's office suffers some painful and humiliating fate. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:24:00 AM | Thursday, December 11, 2003
This guy is GREAT! Yesterday, I posted a link to a page about the Black Jesuit Reptoids. Today, while digging around, I found out that the site's author also has some information about the August blackout in the Northeast. Man, I love creative whackaloons. Dig this: It was ANTARCTIC SPACE NAZI REPTOIDS!!!! 
As the above image clearly shows, the triangular shape of the affected region is a CLEAR SIGN of the pernicious influence of "DAK = military sciences.. "death of life".. D of K..". Whatever that is. We also find that "MICHAEL HELEUS informed me also this morning.. that if the APEX of the triangle is MONTREAL.. it would naturally POINT DOWNWARD AWAY from the MAIN PLANETARY NAZI BASE IF" SEEN" FROM NEU SCHWABENLAND IN ANTARCTICA.... " THE INDICATION is the ISAT PHOTO WHERE ONE END of the CONSTRUCTED BLACKOUT TRIANGLE, has one END of the BASE landing ON MONTAUK and the other end lands somewhere near the BORDER of Indiana and Ohio.. ( probably Ft. Wayne where there is a large contingency of Nazi workers & near a big BRITISH NWO banking center in Cleveland, Ohio)..plus, the APEX of the Triangle appears to be in the city that the DRACO POPE called "the chosen people" because of the Lilly-Charlemagne bloodlines.. MON_TREAL.... take a look...... I wish I was this creative. Mr. Whackaloon, I salute you! posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:31:00 AM | Another damn quiz  You are: THE RIDDLER! Which Batman Villain Are You? brought to you by Quizilla From Moonshine Mountain posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:59:00 AM | Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Whoa. Someone forgot his meds.... OK, this guy is seriously whacked out. BLACK JESUIT ORDER OF LIZARDS. Maybe David Icke is right! Maybe the Catholic Church is run by EVIL, SHAPESHIFTING REPTOIDS! Or maybe someone's a whackaloon. You be the judge. But before you decide, check out this: 
Seems, if you're fuckin' nuts, it's clear that there are two REPTOIDS carrying a boy towards the church. And there's a cow or something driving the white van. No, I don't see it, either. Fortunately, Whackaloons can enlarge photos, and draw all over them with red markers, thusly: 
Wow, I thought guys like this weren't allowed out unsupervised. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:19:00 AM | A coworker just referred to me as "The Salvador Dali of coffee break conversations". I guess that's pretty accurate. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:57:00 AM | Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Read this. Now. Or I hurt you. Melissa's latest column is up at Austinmama. As I say every month, read it. While you're there, check out Merideth's piece. I wish I could write like they do. Poop flinging, I can do. Serious, thought-provoking stuff, not so much. Late Addition Almost forgot Adrienne's Shaken and Stirred this month. ANother good one. Damn, is it just me, or are these three some damn talented folks? posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:22:00 AM | If you're not a gamer, you might not find these as funny as I do But it is, after all, a blog about me, so suck it up and deal with it. One of my favorite webcomics is Scott Kurtz' sidesplittingly hilarious PvPonline. He pokes fun in a very loving way at all the little quirks of geek culture, and his latest storyline has become one for the books. Imagine, if you will, an RPG about gamers gaming. There's 6 strips in the story so far, and I strongly recommend you go back to the beginning of the strip and read it all. PvP, BTW, is also a monthly comic, which you can buy at your FLCS. Another favorite is Irregular Webcomic. The artist, David Morgan-Mar, is a regular on Steve Jackson Games' online magazine Pyramid. Today's strip depicts a situation familiar to anyone who's been a regular GM for a roleplaying group. Enjoy the funny. And don't forget to check out Sluggy Freelance, either. It is nifty. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:02:00 AM | Monday, December 08, 2003
Thanks to Ray for this one posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:30:00 PM | Man, I knew I forgot something yesterday Forgot to blog. In my defense, it was a rather busy day and evening. While I could play fast and loose with the rules and backdate a blog entry, that would be cheating, and I don't do that. Often. So, We'll instead rationalize that the "Gefiltefuck" entry from Saturday counts. Now that's all settled, we can move on to some whacknoodlery. First off is this link: POPE JOHN PAUL II USES ANOTHER BLACK MAGICK SATANIC SYMBOL FOR ANTICHRIST DURING HIS TRIP TO ISRAEL. Not much to say about this one - it's more anti-Catholic than anti-semitic than most of these sites, but it's pretty run of the mill otherwise. I was kind of hoping that the Pope had done some kind of heavy-metal pose, pumping both fists in the air making the evil eye a la Ozzy Osbourne, but it wasn't that interesting. Tell you what, boys. Call me when the Pope bites the head off a bat - then I'll pay attention. The main piece of whacknoodleicious assbaggery is this article: Remember the Republic of Texas? The psychotic militia nuts that took a couple hostage a few years back? They're baaaaaack! Now they've moved into the small town of Overton, TX and are starting to engage in their customary idiocy. Seems the R.O.T. (I've not seen so appropriate an acronym since Nixon started CREEP) thinks Texas was annexed illegally, and they want the US Government to give them Texas, most of New Mexico, good-sized chunks of Colorado and WYoming and a nice slice of Mexcio on the side. No word as to whether or not they'll have fries with that. I'll grant that the ROT nutjobs aren't as blatantly racist as many other groups of their ilk, but that's about all that can be said for them. These guys don't believe in drivers' licenses or vehicle license tags, and they usually carry "passports" issued by the ROT. I haven't seen one of these yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was done in crayon. Here's two examples of the kind fo jerkwater the ROT plans to put in charge of us when the Gub'mint sees the obvious logic of their claims: Since August, there have been two arrests of R.O.T. officers for driving without a license, one in Overton and another in nearby Bullard. In the first, Don Bennett of Overton, "postmaster general" of the R.O.T., was stopped in Overton Oct. 15 and ticketed for having no license. Bennett paid his $130 fine, but later sent a rambling, four-page letter to the city, citing numerous city officials, threatening liens and demanding $2 million in reparation for violating his "imprescritable" rights. "He may be the postmaster general, but the letter came by U.S. mail," said Overton City Manager Jeff Ellington. "We haven't paid him." The second arrest occurred Nov. 5, when Ed Brannum of Carthage, "secretary of the interior," was stopped in Bullard. When asked for his driver's license, Brannum offered a Republic of Texas "passport," and when Bullard patrolman Carl Dinger was unable to find a valid Texas driver's license number for Brannum, he took him to the Smith County Jail. "I was doing my best not to arrest him, but I couldn't come up with a good number," Dinger said. "I think he told me I was going to be fired when they take over." Can anyone tell me what "imprescritable rights" are? If I've got them, can I get them removed with a topical ointment, or will it require an outpatient visit? I have to admit part of me loves morons like these, just because they make for amusing copy. Just in case they succeed, though, I'd like to declare Austin independent of the Republic of Texas and demand that we also be given the state of Minnesota, Kate Beckinsale and a lifetime supply of beer and porn in return for numerous violations of our imprescritable rights. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:44:00 AM | Saturday, December 06, 2003
This is... this is NOT what I ever expected to hear. Ever. Gefiltefuck They're yidcore. Yidcore. I recommend their cover of "If I Were A Rich Man". posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:46:00 PM | Love Jack Chick? Well, me neither, but this is way fucking funny. 
A tip o' the old hat to Julie for this one. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:49:00 PM | Well, I'd have thought Tesla, but the lack of a Death Ray in my backyard probably put the kibosh on that one Born with the name of Otto, you became Ludwig at the request of your grandfather, King Ludwig I, because you were born on his birthday. You became Crown Prince at the tender age of 3, and soon after stole a purse from a shop on the basis that everything in Bavaria belonged to you. Tragedy struck when your pet tortoise was taken away; relatives thought the six-year-old prince was too attached to it. Your childhood was lonely and formal. Once, you were prevented from beheading your younger brother by the timeous arrival of a court official. From the age of 14 you suffered from hallucinations. Despite striking an imposing figure with your great height and good looks, your speeches were pompous to the point of incomprehensibility. You became even more of a recluse, often spending hours reading poetry in a seashell-shaped boat in your electrically-illuminated underground grotto. You are most famous for building three fairytale castles - Linderhof, Neuschwanstein and Herrenchiemsee - at tremendous public expense. Declared insane and confined to your bedroom by concerned (and embarrassed) subjects, you escaped on 13 June 1886, but were later found drowned with your physician in Lake Stamberg in mysterious circumstances.  Which Historical Lunatic Are You? From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:37:00 PM | Upper-class shits And I use the term "class" loosely. Came across this article describing the trend among folks making more money to have more kids. Apparently, yuppies have now decided that it's a status symbol, like having an H2 or a Land Rover, to have a large family. I don't have a problem with large families - we've got 3 kids, and we seriously considered 4 - but I do have a problem with the complete and utter disconnection with reality these moneyed shits enjoy. A few quotes to get the blood boiling: Today, a typical family boasts 1.8 children and only one in 10 has five or more relatives at home. Nevertheless, some brave -- and more affluent -- souls are bucking the trend. While their numbers are too small to make a blip on national Census charts, such families are becoming more visible in leafy communities where moms can afford to stay at home and nannies become part of the family. OH. MY. GOD!!!!! See, when it was minorities, immigrants and other poor folks that were perceived as having lots of kids, it was sooooo unfashionable. If you live in a place like Cabrini Green, or a Rio Grande Valley colonia, or a trailer park in Alabama, you're still shit out of luck. It's only if you live in Georgetown, MD, or Darien, CT, or Redmond, WA, that you're fashionable. "The largest families I have tend to be very wealthy," says Suzanne Royer, president of Annie's Nannies, a nanny agency in Seattle that serves families in well-heeled Washington state communities like Redmond, Richmond, and Kirkland. "The moms keep wanting to have another baby and they have so much help that it's possible," Royer continues. "They can afford it, whereas a lot of other middle-class moms might want another child but they know they can't, because they have to think about expenses like college." It must be nice to know that your privilege puts you above such petty concerns as having to worry about money like that. Valentine and his wife, Jessica, are like many other parents with lots of kids. He has a successful career that enables him to provide for their family. She left a high-profile job for a national sporting goods chain to be a mom. Valentine says that where they live, it's "not politically incorrect for women to stay at home" with the kids. They know two other couples who also are expecting fourth babies. "In a world where we don't have terrorist threats and are always making money, it's easy to justify less time with family," he said. "But Sept. 11, combined with the bear market of the past few years, has refocused us." Oh for the love of GOD, quit with the "9/11 chaaaanged my life" bullshit. If it had really changed your priorities, you'd vote for someone other than the goddamn Chimp next election. Put your money where your mouth is and spend it on feeding homeless people. Part of that focus is devoting more time to children. So the Valentines, like many other large families with some means, are now hiring "reverse nannies." Instead of whisking the children away -- only to present them to parents when small faces have been freshly scrubbed -- these hired helpers handle the barrage of daily chores like laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking. That way, mom can roll around on the nursery floor playing with the kids. "It's a lot easier having four kids and a nanny than three kids and no nanny," said Nancy Jack, who quit her career as an environmental lawyer to be a mom. Isn't that special. If you got the money, you can pay someone else to do all the hard work, and you get to enjoy the good times. Too bad the single moms working two jobs at Wal-Mart can't afford to do that. They're the ones that are pilloried for not being there for their children, when they can't afford to do it. These moneyed twits, however, are BRAVE if they stay home. I call bullshit on that. To be sure, the tab for a live-in nanny and four kids can give anyone sticker shock, and even parents who euphemistically call themselves "comfortable" have to make adjustments. Jack says she and her husband (who is a vice president of a large international insurance firm) used to be "price indifferent." But their fourth child changed that. "When I found out I was pregnant, we refinanced everything," said Jack. The process helped the couple find cash in the household budget to hire their nanny. But there are bigger items the family will now have to do without. "It's out of the question to put four children through private school," said Jack. "We feel we don't have that option anymore." Waaaaaaahhhhh! You can't put your precious little snots through private school! Don't worry, I'm sure your gated community has a taxpayer-built school in it that the poor kids aren't allowed to attend, so Davenport, Austin, Delaney and Addison won't be forced to mix with poor kids. What amazes me about dips like these is the way they narcissistically assume that their choices are the most original, bravest, most super-duper special choices that have ever been made. Never mind that other families every day have to make much harder choices about raising their families - it doesn't count unless you make 6 figures, or you're a trust-fund baby. Poor folks having to choose between food and toilet paper, or new shoes for the kids or electricity - those are tough choices. Having to give up on private school, that's not a tough choice. It's not the size of their families that chaps my ass about these twits, it's their attitude that they're somehow special, that their ability to hire a nanny, a maid and an errand-boy means that they're being avant-garde trend-breakers - that's what gets my blood boiling. Self-absorbed vanity, thy name is yuppie. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:20:00 AM | I'm bored, sooooo.....  You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have your pet peeves, but other than that, you're mainly calm. Blending in with your surroundings, you're the type of person who everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks jokes at social gatherings - after all, laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you could be the next Einstein. What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla This one is Merideth's fault. Although I wonder if the quiz had an "angry & bitter" option. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:20:00 AM | Friday, December 05, 2003
Friday 5 This one's from Rob: It's soon xmas. Very very soon. What are you going to buy for your partner, your kids, your parents, grandparents - takes deep breath - ???? I've been thinking about what to get the Pip for christmas. She'll be just shy of eleven months, she won't have a clue what's going on, just that it's busy, smells of food and involves lots of paper. Mmmm...Paper. We've bought her many a toy the last year or so. Lamaze toys, things that squeek, things that roll, things that peep, things that dangle and rattle, things that chime, books, that sing, teddy bears, rag dolls, the list is long. The Pips favourite toys? The top off a tub of ice cream. The cord at the bottom of her coat. The coasters with pictures of Regency England on them, and it's not the Regency settings that attract her. If it can be used like a hammer or placed on her head in some way then she's in to it. But nothing is better than paper. So here's my pre-christmas shopping rush Friday Five. Which five 'toys' at any time of your life have meant the most to you and why? I whined to Rob that I'd been saving a very similar question, but upon reflection, it's timed better here than in February (about the next time I get to pick a topic). So, well done, Rob. Well done. (1) Hot Wheels - My older brother and I had miles of the orange tracks, with the loop-the-loops, the banked curves, all of it. We'd build these huge tracks that ran from our rooms down the stairs, around the corner into the living room, under the sofa, across the coffee table, into the dining room, through the kitchen and out the back door. One of us was positioned upstairs, the other would wait halfway down, and we'd shout instructions to each other. Inevitably, one of us would accuse the other of cheating, the track would get torn apart and we'd start fighting with the track sections. Good times. Set the pattern for our interractions since - about 50% strong cooperation, followed by a shocking burst of violence. Come to think of it, we're kind of like Northern Ireland. Without the car bombs or Ian Paisley. (2) A toy Thompson SMG - Man, it was sweet - this was way back when toy guns were still allowed to look like guns. It had the rifle stock, and you cocked it and it would click 20 times, exactly as many shots as were in a clip - I had an army helmet and a cap gun, too - I'd play D-Day and "Rat Patrol" all day long. My parents, both pacifists, really hated that toy gun. First sign that I was going to be a hawkish liberal, I suppose. (3) Books - I know they're not technically a toy, but from about age 8 on, the lion's share of gifts that I got every year was books. Science, science fiction, fantasy, adventure, classics, kook books - if it had printed words and a cover, odds were I'd read it. "We live for books. A sweet mission in this world bordered by disorder and decay." - Umberto Eco. (4) G.I. Joe - Probably the same thing as Rob's Action Man, but cooler. G.I. Joe was a white guy with an afro. A FRICKIN' AFRO. Kung Fu Grip, too. I never had many of the action sets, except the deep sea diving one, with the rubber shark. We made a hang glider for ol' Joe, but he ended up getting tangled in a tree. We shocked him, the dog chewed on him, we threw him in the dryer (at which point I wrapped him in white tape, and he became The Unknown Soldier. The secret face of WWII was recreated in my back yard. And the garage, which represented Berlin. (5) Micronauts - Interchangable toys, mechanical robots, space ships, weird creatures - and they had a great tie in: Marvel's comic of the same name. It had, in many ways, a Kirby flavor to it - possibly part of the reason I liked it, although I couldn't have articulated it then. The rest of the Friday Fivers are listed, as always, to the left. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:38:00 AM | Thursday, December 04, 2003
| Progress report Slept fitfully, but I woke up around 4 AM with the sure knowledge that one or both kids would be clambering into bed in short order, and that I did not, under any circumstances, want to be in a position where a well-meaning but heavy child crawled across me. So I got up. Fewer twinges than yesterday, but a couple of scary moments when I was sitting on the sofa earlier - Franny got up on the arm of the sofa and prepared to jump in my lap as she is wont to do, which prompted me to shriek in terror and scramble away as fast as I could. Thank God for ice, pain pills and schedules that will give me the house alone this AM. I'm hoping to be mostly up and about by this evening, so I can watch last night's Angel and watch enough Survivor to convince me yet again that I hate Jon with a white-hot passion. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:17:00 AM | Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Damn, this ice is cold I've been laying on the couch watching TV for about 3 hours, and the pain pills the doctor gave me are working great. Melissa went to get Franny from school, so I figured I'd move on upstairs so as to avoid any potential jumps into my lap by an overenthusiastic preschooler. The prep: I shaved this morning, per Doctor Chopp's orders, but apparently, I missed a spot because when I dropped trou and lay down on the table, the nurse whipped out a disposable and rasped it over my scrote. I think I got nicked, but I'm not sure, because I decided before I walked into the doctor's office this morning that I would not look down, me being rather squeamish and all. An apparently liberal application of iodine and I was pronounced ready. I spent about 5 minutes waiting for the doctor and reading Master and Commander, and then it was time. The procedure: A shot of painkiller ("You'll feel a small prick," said the doctor. I protested that it was rather cold in the operating room, thankyouverymuch. I think he's heard that one before.") and a brief wait, then he went to work. It felt weird - there were some tugs and I could see his arms moving, but that was it. At first. There was a sharper tug and OH JESUS! I felt some pain. "Hmm. We'll give you another shot of painkiller there." A cold feeling, a few more tugs (mercifully without pain) and then I saw two puffs of smoke and smelled something burning. Some more tugs and things were back inside and all sewed up. That was one side. The other side went the same, down to the OH JESUS moment (but not quite as bad), then the doctor was out. A nurse showed up about 30 seconds later with my jock strap, and he helped me get it on. The expected warnings - don't do any lifting, ice packs, here's some really strong pills you can only take once a day. I was given the stuff for my sperm sample in 3 months (I thought I'd been told a different time frame before, must remember to check on that some time my groin isn't achy) and I was pointed toward the door. Home again, home again: Melissa wasn't back from taking Fran to school, so I filled a ziplock bag with ice, wrapped it in a dish towel and carefully reclined on the sofa after gathering all remote controls to the coffee table. With one break to take a leak (which I'd been dreading, but wasn't as bad as I'd been warned), I've been there since, or I was, until I moved upstairs to the office. As I commented earlier, the ice is cold, and I'm starting to feel some sharp twinges down there, so I may move to the bedroom and try to sleep through the worst of them. I hope. If this was TMI, then you don't know me very well at all, or you'd have been prepared for it. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:01:00 PM | V-Day Today is the day - in about an hour, I'll be getting a vasectomy. I'm a little nervous, just because I've never done this before. I'm not looking forward to the next 3 days or so, which I hear are extremely uncomfortable (that may be understatement - I'll keep you posted without going into TMI). Still, I've got 300 channels of TV, beer and lots of ice. I should make it without too much trouble. If I'm not curled up on the couch whimpering like a whipped dog later on, I'll post some of my impressions from the procedure. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:53:00 AM | Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Gollum's just a mad playah, yo? Dig this. Requires sound. SFW. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:45:00 PM | You ain't gonna believe this shit A 7 year old boy has been punished by his school for talking about his family. What horrible thing did he say about his family? He told a fellow student his mother was a lesbian. Apparently, to the idiotic thugs of the Lafayette, LA school system, the word "gay" is a horror beyond all others. This little boy, who was innocently answering a classmate's question about his family, was punished by his teacher and principal for explaining that he had two mommies. I know shit like this makes Reichsminister Ashcroft jizz in his trousers, but for those of us that still cherish American ideals of tolerance, equality and justice, it's pretty goddamn chilling. Those brave Americans at the ACLU are in on this case already, and should get things sorted out in no time, but I still wouldn't mind a road trip to Louisiana to beat some sense into those intolerant, bigoted shitlicking scumbag motherfuckers. So, anyone NOT understand why we've got to beat the Religious Reich this next election? posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 5:39:00 AM | Monday, December 01, 2003
 What is Your Shakespearian Tragic Flaw? brought to you by Quizilla posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:39:00 PM | Good news from Colorado The Colorado Supreme Court has ruled the Repugnicans' efforts to redistrict are unconstitutional. There's still a federal appeal of this issue going on at the moment, but it looks right now like the attempt to steal Colorado's Congressional delegates will likely fail. With any luck, the effort underway in Texas to fight Governor Assbag's gerrymandering attempt will meet with a similar fate. I'd be even more pleased if some little-used provision in Texas law allowed for Governor Assbag to get sent to punch-you-in-the-ass-penitentiary. Dare to dream, I say. posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:40:00 AM | | |
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