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We Interrupt The Cascade Of Impending Doom

... for this important message.

Well, not really a message. Michael Ventre has written the funniest article yet on Mel Gibson's career meltdown last week:

As a casual student of Yiddish, I consulted three books — “The Joys of Yiddish” and “Hooray for Yiddish,” both by Leo Rosten, and “Every Goy’s Guide to Common Jewish Expressions” by Arthur Naiman — to find words to describe Mel Gibson’s career-threatening meltdown last weekend in Malibu. Because to my knowledge, the appropriate words don’t exist in English.

Yiddish seems like the way to go here, simply because Gibson’s drunken rant wasn’t garden variety. Those happen every day. Statistics show that in and around Los Angeles a celebrity is self-destructing every 30 seconds. They don’t all impact the public consciousness like a Nick Nolte mug shot, but they keep the agents scrambling, the rehab centers humming and the bloggers buzzing.

No, what Mel did was order “the whole shmeer” (the works). Apparently he saw Tom Cruise jump on the couch, lecture Matt Lauer about psychiatry and tout Scientology to anyone who would listen in a sudden attempt at career implosion and snorted, “Amateur hour. I can top that.”

There's more, and it's even funnier.

I'm not terribly surprised by Tiny Mel's revelation of his true nature there, to be honest. Even before The Passion of the Christ brought up all the old anti-Semitic lies of the past 2000 years, I knew Mel's father had candidly and several times admitted he didn't think the Holocaust was a real event. The cautious non-denial denials Mel's made to questions regarding his father's beliefs didn't exactly inspire confidence.

Reference any number of aphorisms regarding apples, trees, falling and distance from.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 4:49:00 PM

 
Welcome To Stalinist Amerika

Read up on the Bushistas' proposed legislation? I refer, of course, to this.

A 32-page draft measure is intended to authorize the Pentagon's tribunal system, established shortly after the 2001 terrorist attacks to detain and prosecute detainees captured in the war on terror. The tribunal system was thrown out last month by the Supreme Court.

Administration officials, who declined to comment on the draft, said the proposal was still under discussion and no final decisions had been made.

Senior officials are expected to discuss a final proposal before the Senate Armed Services Committee next Wednesday.

It's sleazy enough that Bush and his merry little gang of thugs want to write legislation to do an end run around the Supreme Court's recent ruling on the legality of the Kangaroo Court system for Guantanamo detainees, but dig this:

According to the draft, the military would be allowed to detain all "enemy combatants" until hostilities cease. The bill defines enemy combatants as anyone "engaged in hostilities against the United States or its coalition partners who has committed an act that violates the law of war and this statute."

Legal experts said Friday that such language is dangerously broad and could authorize the military to detain indefinitely U.S. citizens who had only tenuous ties to terror networks like al Qaeda.

That's almost anyone, really. Any American citizen suspected of support for terrorists could be arrested and detained without charges or trial.

Scott L. Silliman, a retired Air Force Judge Advocate, said the broad definition of enemy combatants is alarming because a U.S. citizen loosely suspected of terror ties would lose access to a civilian court — and all the rights that come with it. Administration officials have said they want to establish a secret court to try enemy combatants that factor in realities of the battlefield and would protect classified information.

The administration's proposal, as considered at one point during discussions, would toss out several legal rights common in civilian and military courts, including barring hearsay evidence, guaranteeing "speedy trials" and granting a defendant access to evidence. The proposal also would allow defendants to be barred from their own trial and likely allow the submission of coerced testimony.

That's disturbing on several levels - not just because it strips away the rights that are the very foundation of our legal system, but because it means that any American can be arrested without charge or trial, hauled off to a Gulag and never seen again. The kind of thing that happened under Argentina's Junta, in Pinochet's Chile, the Soviet Union and, of course, China. Think it couldn't happen to you? Think again. All they have to do is think you're tied to terrorists. Hell, they don't even have to think that - all they have to do is say you're connected.

And to the right, all progressives support terror:

I prefer a firing squad, but I'm open to a debate on the method of execution. A conviction for treason would be assured under any sensible legal system. - Ann Coulter, 7/12/06

"[Y]ou just expect Democrats to side with Al Qaeda." - Ann Coulter, 6/29/06

I see it [the Times transactions story] as treason, plain and simple, and my advice to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales at this point in time is chop-chop, hurry up, let's get these prosecutors fired up and get the subpoenas served, get the indictments going, and get these guys [Keller and other New York Times employees] behind jail. - Melanie Morgan, 6/26/06

You know that Senator Feingold is out in left field when [House Democratic Leader] Nancy Pelosi [CA] is distancing herself from him. I mean, this is -- in a time of war, this is borderline treasonous behavior. - Tony Perkins, 3/16/06

We've won the war already, and for the Democrats to say we can't win it -- what kind of a statement is that? And furthermore, one of the fundamental principles we have in America is that the president is the commander in chief of the armed forces and attempts to undermine the commander in chief during time of war amounts to treason - Pat Robertson, 12/7/2005

Howard Dean should be arrested for treason. He should be arrested for treason. He should be put into a hole somewhere and left there until the war in Iraq is over for what he is doing. - Michael Reagan, 12/5/05

The more the left talks about Libby's alleged perjury, the more you have to ask did Joseph Wilson commit treason. - Rush Limbaugh, 10/31/05

Clearly, more pictures of Abu Ghraib help the terrorists, as do Geneva Convention protections and civilian lawyers. So there is no question the ACLU and the judges who side with them are terror allies. - Bill O'Reilly, 7/25/05

And that's just from a search at Media Matters using the word "treason".

So are you still sure you haven't committed treason, Citizen? One hundred percent sure you're clean as the driven snow? If you're not, according to Alberto "The Geneva Conventions are quaint" Gonzales, you could find yourself in short order relaxing in scenic Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, living in a cage and being left shackled in a puddle of your own urine and feces until you admit you're a terrorist.

So what to do about it?

Call every Senator on the Armed Services Committee. Tell them how they ought to vote on this issue. Then call both of your state's senators and tell them, too. Talk this up. Don't let it go unnoticed.

There's a lot at stake here. For all of us.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:28:00 AM

 
The Horror... The Horror....

I have no words.



Make your SAN roll. If you fail, take 3D20 SAN loss. If you succeed, take 2D20.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:20:00 PM

 
An Easier Week

In many ways. First off, my schedule was the same every day - no "Get off work at 11PM, in the next morning by 6AM" turnarounds.

Second, the big kids were pretty well behaved. No huge messes, not too many screaming tantrums.

Third, I was able to get housework (especially kitchen work) done while the big kids played.

Fourth, I did some baking - some so-so white bread on Monday and some goddamn wonderful french bread yesterday. I mean perfect, with the golden-brown hard outside crust and soft, smooth bread on the inside. Went down great with some Stinky Goat Cheese. Drew and Fran helped make the French Bread and I got to teach them some kitchen basics.

The downsides:

Not seeing Melissa except for the mornings, which are more than a little chaotic. We touch base via phone a couple times during the day, but it's not the same. I'm looking forward to our date night tomorrow.

Not spending much time with Alec. He's in daycare, and we pay for it whether he's there or not, so I drop him off in the morning and then don't see him until the next day. He did stay home today, and we played a little and I got many sticky toddler hugs, which is a good thing.

I'm not missing as much sleep as I thought I might, and Melissa's going to take Early Morning Duty tomorrow so I can grab a little more.

But it's OK. A little better, a little less mental chaos. Two more weeks and then the big kids are back in school.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:27:00 PM

 
Um, Excuse Me?

Does it bother anyone else that the fundies are creaming their knickers over war in the Middle East? I mean, here we've got people dying left and right in Iraq, Afghanistan and Lebanon, and these goddamn nutjobs are running around yankin' their tiny little cranks nonstop over how fucking wonderful it is that the End Times look to be here at last.

In the past, America has been home to more than its share of religious fruitcakes, and predictions of imminent doom are common - there's always a new crazy with a sandwich board walking around predicting the End Of The World - but what's worrisome about this time is the number of these freakos that are in a position to influence foreign policy. George Bush may or may not be a figurehead at this point, but he listens to Pat Robertson and Tim LaHaye and all those other genocidal lunatics. Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld don't strike me as particularly fanatical in their religion, but an expanded war in the Middle East suits them just fine as well, since it allows them to engage in yet more penile compensation through "showing a strong hand" to the remainder of the Axis of Evil.

And the news networks are kowtowing to the nutjobs, too - both "Hardball" and "Fox and Friends" have presented Michael Evans as a "Middle East Expert", when his only area of expertise is "prophecy", specifically "biblical prophecy" as it supports his extremist views. CNN has at least twice devoted large chunks of time to discussions of whether or not we're approaching Armageddon.

I don't believe there will ever be an Armageddon, not in the sense that these loons speak of. It's not Armageddon, it's just another fucking pointless war in a region that's seen too many. It's not a sign from God, it's a sign that there's still way too many trigger-happy psychotics in positions that allow them to callously plan and orchestrate the deaths of innocents.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 5:53:00 PM

 
I Suppose They're Going To Blame Us For Male-Pattern Baldness, Too

Good ol' World Nutjobs Net Daily explains it all: Violence in Israel caused by 'gay' event?

"Why does this war break out this week, all of sudden with little warning? Because this is the exact week the Jewish people are trying to decide whether the gay pride parade should take place in Jerusalem or Tel Aviv," Pinchas Winston, a noted author, rabbi and lecturer based in Jerusalem told WND.

Lessee, what else happened this week? Ah - I see! God is angry because Floyd Landis won the Tour de France! Or maybe he hates Tiger Woods. You just never know! It could even be the suspension of the Doha Round of talks at the WTO.

The festival is being run by an organization called World Pride, which seeks to promote an atmosphere of "love without borders," according to group's website.

Yet many religious leaders believe the Israeli government's decision to allow a world homosexual parade in Jerusalem is having real-life consequences.

Oh, please. Give me a fucking BREAK. Are you really that ignorant and bigoted?

Scratch that last.

"This [parade] is an attack against God himself," Winston said. "God has told the Jewish people, 'If you are not going to fight for my honor, you will be forced to fight for your own honor.'"

Yes, it all makes sense! Every time you let a faggot parade, God the IDF kills a Lebanese child, and if you talk about ending hatred, He the IDF'll waste some UN Peacekeepers and drop a bomb on an ambulance.

But Winston's not the only toilet-drinking moron over there. There's also this guy:

Lazer Brody, an author and dean of the Breslov Rabbinical College in Ashdod, Israel, concurred with Winston.

"When God’s presence is in the camp, nothing can happen to the Jewish people," Brody stated. "But If the Jewish people bring impurity into the camp of Israel, this chases away God's presence."

Brody contends the "removal of God's presence" led to the recent violence here, but he said he still feels the Jewish state is being protected.

"Over 1,000 Katyusha rockets have been fired thus far, and the damage has been equivalent to scratches," Brody said.

So I reckon that, according to Brody's "logic", the Lebanese - especially those Shiites in the south - must be engaging in a non-stop buttfucking orgy! And the children, oh man, don't get me started on the children. I can't imagine what kinds of deviant acts they're up to, to be getting killed like they are.

Hey, here's a goddamn hint to all you bigoted ratbastards out there - QUIT BLAMING US. Rabbis, especially, I think would understand how goddamn deadly it is to scapegoat a minority for the ills of the world at large. I mean, you think they'd get that, right? Born more than 20 years after WWII, I get it - and I'm not even Jewish.

We, the human race, make our own decisions. We are responsible for the choices we make, be they choices to supersize those french fries or to drop a precision munition smack in the middle of the Red Cross on top of an ambulance. We can't blame God for Katyusha rockets raining down on Israeli children and we can't blame God for missiles wiping entire Lebanese families from the Earth.

This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:37:00 AM

 
Here's Something Funny For You

Some Star Trek: TOS fans put together a vid to Monty Python's "Knights of the Round Table". Click the link, scroll down to "Knights of the Round Table".

Do not watch this while drinking or eating. If you do, Mess Will Ensue. And you might choke.

Thanks to Linaelyn for this link.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:54:00 PM

 
Another Reason To Love John Varley

If you've got any sense, you already love him for his fantastic writing. Now, you can also love him for this:

ANN COULTER --- AN APOLOGY

Yesterday I came across this quote from Ann Coulter:

U.S. soldiers who die in Iraq knew they would. Most of them couldn't get a decent job in the private sector anyway, so what does it matter? Someone has to die in a war, why not the poor?

I guess I went a little ballistic. I fired it off to Lee and told her to use it as tomorrow's quote of the day, and attribute it to Ann Coulter, whore. Later, I was still angry, and asked Lee to amend that to Ann Coulter, filthy whore. Lee said she didn't like it, it didn't seem appropriate, but I wouldn't listen. So we went with filthy whore.

Last night, falling asleep, I realized Lee was right. That's what happens when you go off half-cocked, when you don't stop to consider the real meaning of the statements you make. You should never write anything in the heat of anger, and if you do, you should let it sit for at least 24 hours and see if you still feel this is wise.

So this is my apology.

There's more, and it's even better. John Varley rocks, yea and verily - like a mighty thing that doth rock.

Tip'o'th'hat to Erique for this one
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:58:00 PM

 
The Latest Domestic Disturbance

Melissa's latest column is out, about the the ghosts in our kitchen.

There are ghosts in my kitchen. It's a decent-sized room, which is good, because it's getting pretty crowded with memories and reminders. I can't seem to cook a meal without consulting the bulging notebook full of handwritten family recipes, and when Drew and I follow my Aunt Bernice's instructions for chocolate chip cookies (recorded on a grease-stained index card in her elegant Palmer script) or Fran and I use the scribbled recipe my grandmother dictated to me for cornbread, it feels like they're in the room with us.

They just keep getting better, don't they?
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:40:00 PM

 
Betcha Thought I Was Gonna Miss A Day

Nope! With 2 hours to spare, too.

FACE!
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:14:00 PM

 
Tag

You're it.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:44:00 PM

 
The Next Three Weeks

I'm going on the night shift - 3PM - 11PM. It'll help out with child care expenses, and there's the shift differential pay.

Sleep is going on the back burner, though. I'll have to figure something about that.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:57:00 PM

 
A Few Thoughts On The Recent Primary In Georgia

Yeah, I know I live in Texas these days, but I still got peeps in Georgia, yo?

First off, a hearty "Rock on!" to Jim Martin for his plurality in the primary for Lt. Governor - there's still a runoff to come, so I'm rooting for the Guy I Know. Jim's Good Folks, and any of you readers in Georgia oughtta plan to vote for Jim if you're not planning to already.

In other news, I see that Ralph Reed got his ass stomped like a Klansman at a Nation of Islam rally.

In the end, Ralph Reed couldn't even fill a room. None of the boldface names who'd once embraced him were present, nor was there much sign of his diminished fundamentalist base. Tuesday night, less than three hours after the polls closed and with more than half the precincts still unreported, Reed -- deemed an almost unstoppable force when he declared his candidacy for Georgia lieutenant governor -- stood, flanked by his teary-eyed wife, Jo Anne, and four children, to concede defeat before a half-empty ballroom of downcast loyalists and representatives of the hated media.

Let's take a moment to luxuriate in the paragraph above.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

::hyperventilates::

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, that's just too fantastic. It's wonderful, to see a scheming, underhanded scumbag get bodyslammed like a girl scout wrestling El Gran Luchadore.

I realize that amoral shitbags like Reed tend to just ooze under rocks and wait for another chance to fuck things up, but right here, right now, I'm savoring his well-deserved thrashing.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 12:14:00 PM

 
Schedule Turned Upside Down

Juggling shifts around at work to make sure there's coverage - working the late shift tonight and Thursday, and probably all next week.

On the plus side, I get to sleep a little later.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:20:00 AM

 
Filthy Lucre

Y'know, every time I start to think, "Dude, maybe I'm a little harsh on corporations and the folks running them - maybe I need to ease off on 'em a little, cut 'em some slack." - every single time I think that, I see something like this:

Executives at leading US companies could make millions through the award of stock options issued in the weeks after the September 11 2001 terrorist attacks.

Nearly 200 US companies awarded options to their board members in the wake of the attacks when share prices were at historic lows, giving executives the chance to make millions of dollars later as values returned to normal levels.

Well, now! Ain't that somethin'?

At the very same time workers across America were being told that companies needed to retrench, that they needed to cut expenses to avoid bankruptcy - when airline employees were forced to accept pay cuts, when manufacturing jobs were shipped overseas to cheaper markets, when layoff after layoff swept the US, the motherfucking fatcats were cheerfully giving themselves stock options that could net them millions.

On September 24, Merrill Lynch president Stanley O'Neal was granted the option to buy 750,000 shares at a price 15% lower than the level prior to the attacks. On that day the financial services group's shares were trading at $39.80. Today they trade at more than $67 per share, offering Mr O'Neal a potential profit that is $5m greater than if the shares had been offered before the attacks.

That's pretty damn special. I mean, yeah, sure, Merrill Lynch was hurt by the attacks - many of their employees died when the WTC came crashing down - but pity'll only take you so far, especially when there's blatant greed and filthy lucre involved.

In the days after the 9/11 attacks, the US stock market closed and share prices fell 14%, the worst week for the Dow Jones Industrial Average since the Nazi invasion of France in 1940. It reopened on September 17 in a solemn ceremony.

That same day, the DIY retailer Home Depot issued a stock option to its recently appointed president Robert Nardelli that allowed him to purchase a million shares over 10 years at that day's price of $36.20. The share price on September 10, the day before the attacks, had been $40.55.

Wasn't it Home Depot that hired Tom Ridge after he stepped down as Secretary of Homeland InSecurity? Wonder if they backdated his stock options, eh? Least they could do, what with the duct tape/plastic sheeting alerts he gave out.

Just makes you proud to be an American, don't it? To see how corporations work so hard to take care of the folks that need it?
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:41:00 AM

 
You Know What I Like About Gumbo?

There's no wrong way to do it. You just throw a bunch of stuff in a pot and cook it for a few hours.

Right now: tomatoes, onion, garlic, okra, sausage, chicken and chicken stock. Gonna put in a little tiny bit of cayenne and some black pepper and then leave it in the crock pot until suppertime.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:50:00 PM

 
Flat Bread

In recent weeks, I've made tortillas, pitas and naan. I'm on the lookout for any other leavened or unleavened flatbread recipes out there to try in the near future. While I could just google - and probably will, eventually - I'm particularly interested in recipes you guys like.

So hit me with some good suggestions. Help me rise to new levels of bread-baking goodness! Load me up with some carbs, baby!
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:26:00 AM

 
Happy Bastille Day!

No France-bashing here. Unlike most Americans, I know what we owe France. Were it not for the French, we wouldn't have won our independence. LaFayette's leadership, French guns and ammunition, the fleet of Count de Grasse - without those, and so much more provided by the French, the cause of freedom would have been doomed.

Inspired in part by the success of the American Revolution, in 1789 the people of France rose up against the aristocrats that held them down. The storming of the Bastille is a symbol of that resistance, just as the 4th of July represents our Founding Fathers' resistance to the tyranny of George III.

Shortly after the French Revolution, Thomas Paine, the voice of liberty for the newly-born United States, rushed to aid in the creation of a new nation, conceived in Liberty as was the United States. It was a heady time, the sign of a new flowering of Reason and Equality. Out of the Revolution came the Declaration of the Rights of Man, a document as important as the United States' Declaration of Independence and Constitution.

Sadly, the French Revolution did not live up to its initial promise - attacks by Continental powers intent upon suppressing the revolution, demagogues and finally, mob rule, brought it down in a cascade of executions, paving the way for Napoleon.

Still, the French have always been true friends of the United States. Not sycophants or toadies, but true friends, trying to point out our flaws and urging us to heed our better natures. We have not always done the same for them. In World War I, we came to France's aid and then again 30 years later. Some would say that balances out their aid to the fledgling United States, but I don't see friendship as depending upon perfectly-balanced scales.

And do not misunderstand me - I know that France, as well as every other nation, has its share of sins. France is not perfect - but neither is the United States.

France, oldest and best of our friends, is a proud nation. She does not follow our will - no lapdog, she. France is independent, self-assured, intent upon finding her own way in the world.

So no talk of "cheese-eating surrender monkeys", no dismissal of our great ally as a fair-weather friend. We owe France a great debt, and just as the French should from time to time listen to us, we should give them the courtesy of listening back.

That's what friends do for each other.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:58:00 AM

 
There Is No Reason To Worry

I mean, sure, the Middle East, a region that makes the Balkans look like Disneyland, is exploding all over the goddamn place. Israel's leaders have had just enough time to forget the nightmare that was their last war in Lebanon, just as the Neo-Cons forgot the lessons of Vietnam.

But, really, there's nothing to get stressed about, because Homeland Security is ON THE CASE!

No terrorists will get through the NSA internet and phone spying, the warrantless wiretaps, the no-knock searches! Nosirree, bob!

Because Homeland Security is keeping an eye on the big stuff! Like this:

The worst thing that usually happens at Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo, in Alabama, involves the resident emu who, visitors are warned, has been known to deliver a "hard peck".

Yet the zoo is listed as a critical potential target for terrorists, according to an internal audit by the US government that condemns the Department of Homeland Security for taking a too-broad approach to the risk of attack. The report, by the department's inspector-general who serves as a watchdog, lists numerous other sites in the National Asset Database "whose criticality is not readily apparent" - including the Sweetwater flea market in Tennessee, Amish Country Popcorn in Indiana, a kangaroo conservation centre, a cheque-cashing outlet and a doughnut shop. Other, vaguer, entries include "a restaurant", "a travel stop" and "beach at end of a street".

Er.

Ahem.

OK, maybe we better worry.

If you thought scapegoatingfiring Michael "Heckuvajob" Brown was going to make a difference in the way those fucking GOP assclowns run things up there, you need to stop drinking the bong water now.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 3:41:00 PM

 
Heads Up, Austin Folks

Adrienne Martini, author of Hillbilly Gothic, will be reading from her kick-ass book August 8th at Book People - the schedule at Book People doesn't show it yet, and if the date/time changes, I'll let you all know.

In the meantime, BUY THE BOOK. Read it. It's good, and more than worth the price.

If you're not in Austin or driving distance, keep checking Adrienne's blog to see if she might be in your area, but BUY THE BOOK no matter what.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 4:40:00 PM

 
Thank You

Specifically, thanks to everyone for the kind words and good thoughts about Miranda's passing. It helps to know lots of folks understand how it feels.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:40:00 AM

 
You Remember That Episode Of "I Love Lucy"?

You know, the one where she and Ethel get jobs in the candy factory and the conveyor belt keeps moving faster and faster and they end up making a huge mess, and they get fired?

For some reason, I'm thinking of it now:


posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:30:00 PM

 
Farewell, Little Kitten

Miranda died last night.

She was our second cat, a rescue from a feral litter. All of her brothers and sisters had died and she was in bad shape, but we took her to the vet, got the medicine she needed and nursed her back to health. She was an affectionate cat, good-natured though not very smart or agile.

For 14 years, she was one of our family, welcoming every new member with her motorboat purr. She was too sweet to think that anyone or anything could do anything but adore her.

Some time last night, she lay down and just... went to sleep. The children found her this morning, curled up at the bottom of the steps, cold and stiff.

Miranda was a sweet cat that somehow never figured out she wasn't supposed to stay a kitten forever. I'll miss her.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 7:37:00 AM

 
Adam Carolla Just Rose In My Esteem

Not really what you'd call a huge fan of Adam Carolla - his schtick grates on me after a while. It's just a matter of taste - I'm not his target audience.

Still and all, the following moves him up considerably in my book:

On yesterday’s Adam Carolla radio show, Ann Coulter called in to the show an hour and a half late, then told the host "I am really tight on time."Carolla responded, "All right, well get lost" and then hung up on her mid-sentence.

Crooks and Liars has the audio.

Tip'o'th'hat to Pieter over at DwS.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 6:27:00 PM

 
This Week's Farm-Fresh Goodness

Onions, more yukon gold potatoes, leeks, jalapeno peppers, bell peppers, a cantaloupe, okra, garlic and TWO FRESH TOMATOES.

The conundrum here is: should I save at least one of the tomatoes for Melissa, ensuring her happiness when she returns, or should I go on and eat both of them, sliced and lightly salted with feta cheese, fresh basil and a little vinegar?

Decisions, decisions....
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:11:00 AM

 
Adventures In Cracktastic Cuisine

The kids and I made a big batch of Chex Mix yesterday - I monkeyed around a little with the recipe, and I still need to get it the right amount of spicy, but it was still pretty damn good. We ate half of it while we were on the lake yesterday, and there's still a huge bag of it left.

Seemed like a good idea at the time - hope this doesn't make me gain all that weight back.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:38:00 AM

 
MOTHERFUCKER! I ROCK!

Weighed myself today, and I'm down 8 pounds from my weight last week.

Crushing depression, forgetting to eat and a twisted obsession with using a treadmill as a form of secular moritification to burn through feelings of worthlessness seem to have combined as a killer weightloss regimen.

I'd recommend that you try Weight Watchers, though. The depression is an ass-kicker.

But, still.

EIGHT! MOTHERFUCKING! POUNDS!

IN YOUR FACE, FAT!
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:11:00 PM

 
This Is Not America

Not the one they taught me about in school, at least. Though, come to think of it, that one never existed - slavery, genocide, plutocracy, racism, sexism and know-nothing jingoists killed it in the womb.

I've always dreamed, though, that the ideal was attainable - that by striving with all our might, we might move towards it a step or two at a time. After all, we'd come a lot further than anyone could have hoped.

This hasn't killed the dream, though it's a pretty fucking solid blow.

A large Delaware school district promoted Christianity so aggressively that a Jewish family felt it necessary to move to Wilmington, two hours away, because they feared retaliation for filing a lawsuit. The religion (if any) of a second family in the lawsuit is not known, because they're suing as Jane and John Doe; they also fear retaliation. Both families are asking relief from "state-sponsored religion."

"Surely," you say, "surely this is just hyperbole. This is, after all, the 21st Century - an age in which we have risen above the failings of our ancestors."

No, it isn't. And quit calling me Shirley.

Among numerous specific examples in the complaint was what happened at plaintiff Samantha Dobrich's graduation in 2004 from the district's high school. She was the only Jewish student in her graduating class. The complaint relates that local pastor, Jerry Fike, in his invocation, followed requests for "our heavenly Father's" guidance for the graduates with:

I also pray for one specific student, that You be with her and guide her in the path that You have for her. And we ask all these things in Jesus' name.

In addition to the ruined graduation experience, the Dobrich-Doe lawsuit alleges that:

• The district's "custom and practice of school-sponsored prayer" was frequently imposed "on impressionable non-Christian students," which violated their constitutional rights.
• The district ignored the Supreme Court's 1992 Lee decision limiting prayer at graduation ceremonies -- even after a district employee complained about the prayer at her child's 2003 graduation..
• District teachers and staff led Bible clubs at several schools. Club members got to go to the head of the lunch line.
• While Bible clubs were widely available, student book clubs were rare and often canceled by the district.
• When Jane Doe complained that her non-Christian son "Jordan Doe" was left alone when his classmates when to Bible club meetings, district staff insisted that Jordan should attend the club, regardless of his religion.
• The district schools attended by Jordan and his sister "Jamie Doe" distributed Bibles to students in 2003, giving them time off from class to pick up the books.
• Prayer --often sectarian -- is a routine part of district sports programs and social events
• One of the district's middle schools gave students the choice of attending a special Bible Club if they did not want to attend a lesson on evolution.
• A middle school teacher told students there was only "one true religion" and gave them pamphlets for his surfing ministry.
• Samantha Dobrich's honors English teacher frequently discussed Christianity, but no other religion.
• Students frequently made mandatory appearances at district board meetings -- where they were a captive audience for board members' prayers to Jesus.

Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed.

OK, not really:

On the evening in August 2004 when the board was to announce its new policy, hundreds of people turned out for the meetng. The Dobrich family and Jane Doe felt intimidated and asked a state trooper to escort them.

The complaint recounts that the raucous crowd applauded the board's opening prayer and then, when sixth-grader Alexander Dobrich stood up to read a statement, yelled at him: "take your yarmulke off!" His statement, read by Samantha, confided "I feel bad when kids in my class call me Jew boy."

A state representative spoke in support of prayer and warned board members that "the people" would replace them if they faltered on the issue. Other representatives spoke against separating "god and state."

A former board member suggested that Mona Dobrich might "disappear" like Madalyn Murray O'Hair, the atheist whose Supreme Court case resulted in ending organized school prayer. O'Hair disappeared in 1995 and her dismembered body was found six years later.

The crowd booed an ACLU speaker and told her to "go back up north."

In the days after the meeting the community poured venom on the Dobriches. Callers to the local radio station said the family should convert or leave the area. Someone called them and said the Ku Klux Klan was nearby.

Doesn't that just warm your heart? All those good, Christian men, women and children being so accepting of the differences of one family. Jesus would be so proud, wouldn't he, to see how they treated the Dobrich family?

The religious right isn't a joke. They're not going to just fade away if they're ignored. They're rooted firmly in the wholesome values of Red America. They don't want you to tolerate them. They want you dead, they want your way of life to be extinguished. They want Jews and Atheists and Hindus and Buddhists and Pagans and everyone that's not them either converted or dead. Preferably both.

Don't you love your fellow Americans, when you read shit like this? Don't you? I know I do. Yep, I'm just so full of love I could just puke on the ignorant, bigoted, twisted, evil motherfuckers.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 10:12:00 AM

 
Pretty Much Sums It Up

The "War" On Chrsitians
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:25:00 PM

 
I Feel Cheated

Ken Lay dead of heart attack.

Enron's founder and chairman, Kenneth L. Lay, died of a heart attack at his vacation home in Colorado, according to his spokesperson.

Damn. I wanted that son of a bitch to spend a good long time in the pokey, and maybe spill the beans about his shady shenanigans with the Bushistas.

Fuck.

Well, if there's a Hell, I hope he's burning in it.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 9:32:00 AM

 
4th of July

I wrote a pretty goddamn angry draft yesterday about some of the bad shit going down in Iraq right now, but I'm not going to dwell on the rape of a fifteen year old girl and the murder of her family.

I don't know where our country is headed, but it's not exactly looking good. Our president is quite open about his desire to rule unfettered by law. The GOP congress is more than willing to aid and abet him in this. Newspapers that publish articles even slightly opposed to the neo-con zeitgeist are accused of treason, their editors and reporters named and targeted by freelance brownshirts. Our legislators are more interested in keeping gay men and women from getting married and in making the flag an item of religious veneration than in stopping policies of state-sponsored torture, illegal surveillance and preemptive war.

Not exactly a state of affairs to encourage confidence in our future.

But, hey, it's the 4th of July. Let's celebrate our freedoms, while we've still got them.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 8:46:00 AM

 
Satire. So far.

Air Torture

No fares. No paperwork.

Air Torture is the premiere airline transporting detainees to select torture chambers around the world. Organizations such as Amnesty International like to call our business "outsourcing torture" because we deliver all our customers to countries where torture is routinely practiced - but our partners at the U.S. government have come up with a much better name: "extraordinary rendition."

Thanks to the Bush Administration, the "war on terror" has been a big boon to our business. All flights are fully funded by unsuspecting taxpayers in the United States.

posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 2:34:00 PM

 
Sunday!

Er, it's not Saturday. And it's rainy. It's an OK day so far. Not great, but not awful, either.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 1:48:00 PM

 
Chore Day!

Saturday, which means it's the day the kids have to do their weekly chores. So far, they're doing them weakly, if at all.
posted by Adam C. Lipscomb at 11:32:00 AM