Well, We're Really Fucked NowNot the Swine Flu - I've given up on the possibility of using the hysteria of the uninformed to somehow leverage employment. No, I speak of something far worse.
No, not a plague of clowns. Not quite that bad, but almost.
I speak of the coming plague of
car-sized, armored, meat-eating spiders from Greenland. Sure, the initial article in
National Geographic is rather coy - no extrapolation, no dire warnings - but that's not really NatGeo's thing. The first link above does all that, and delivers the real warning. We're talking bulletproof spiders, spiders big enough to eat us whole in one bite (but they won't do that, because that would be too easy. No, they'll tear us apart with their freakish mandibles, tossing random bits to their dog-sized and ravenous young).
Now, don't any of you try to muddle this with your "facts" and "reality" - I know the spiders are coming, just like I've been warning you all along. You go ahead and act like there's no problem, and I'll stock up on anti-tank weaponry. We'll see which one of us ends up spider bait.
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